ARIA Singles Top 50 Chart Review. 17th November.

 Really not much to say about this week because as per the norm lately, "The Fate Of Ophelia" rules at the top of the singles chart making it a sixth week at number one, it ruled on sales and did decently on streaming enough to keep it ahead of "Man I Need" by Olivia Dean which continues to hold strong at number two, its still lagging behind on sales but is leading on Spotify. 

At this point I am ready for anything to knock "The Fate of Ophelia" off number one. Hopefully Olivia Dean can get to that top spot. 

Anyway "Golden" from K-Pop Demon Hunters remains at number three while "Ordinary" by Alex Warren rebounded two spots to number four while "No Broke Boys" by Disco Lines and Tinashe remains at number five.

"Opalite" by Taylor Swift slipped two spots to number six while "So Easy (To Fall in Love)" by Olivia Dean remained at number seven, I expect this to crack the top five soon. 

A new entry in the top ten is "I Run" by Haven, now I do not expect this song to last in the top ten and we'll talk about why in the new entries, this week. 

Raye's "Where is My Husband" jumped one spot to number nine surpassing "12 to 12" by Sombr which looks to be done in the top ten. 

Gains

Biggest gain of the week belongs to Olivia Dean with "Baby Steps" up ten to thirty one.

More annoyingly "That's So Ttue" by Gracie Abrams seems to be on the rebound rising from forty five to thirty nine. 

Re-Entries

Two re-entries with "The Days (Notion Remix)" by Chrystal back at fifty and "Messy" by Lola Young returning at number forty eight. 

Losers

The biggest losers continue to be album tracks from "The Life of a Showgirl" by Taylor Swift with "Cancelled!" down ten to forty nine, "Actually Romantic" slipping eight to forty sjx, "Wood" down ten to forty two and "Father Figure" down seven to twenty seven. 

Drop Outs

We did see one decently big drop out with "Sugar on My Tongue" by Tyler the Creator gone, it took with it "Eldest Daughter" by Taylor Swift and "Pussy Palace" by Lily Allen

New Entries

Just the one new entry this week so let's talk about...

8. "I Run" by Haven

So this song randomly blew up through the week thanks to somehow going viral on Tik  Rok is from a relatively unknown UK electronic act and this might be the lone week it's on the charts as it's been pulled off streaming owing to some rather serious allegations that the song uses some form of AI because of the vocals used. 

Now the song itself is decent enough, it's catchy and it's definitely got a bit of a groove that i can see connects well with audiences so I guess this one is a bit of a damp squib as it is very likely not going to leave the charts and not return.

That was our week, I am not sure whether we are going to get anything new next week so we'll just have to wait and see. 

All 4 1994: 13th November Trouble Coming Down Interstate...Hook Me Up, Love?

 Let's just dive straight into the week with our top ten instead of mucking around because it actually looks interesting apart from our top two where "Tomorrow" by Silverchair remains at number one for a third week ahead of "Always" by Bon Jovi which cannot claw back the margin so remained stuck at number two.

Much to my surprise, "Closer"  by Nine Inch Nails climbed three spots to number three, happy to see this so high...it's just surprising, that's all, it did push "I'll Make Love to You" by Boyz II Men back one spot to number four. 

Rising six spots for Sheryl Crow is "All I Wanna Do" hitting number five, this song could make a play for the number one in coming weeks, as a result "Secret" by Madonna got shoved back to number six while both "Chains" by Tina Arena and "Endless Love" by Luther Vandross and Mariah Carey remained at six and secen respectively.

"Come Out and Play" by The Offspring jumped one spot to number nine surpassing former chart topper "Confide In Me" by Kylie Minogue which slipped to number ten and looks to be on it's way out. 

Losers

Not many major losers this week although we did see "Fly Girl" by Kulcha down six to forty six and "Hands Out of My Pocket" by Cold Chisel slip six to forty nine.

"Red Light Avenue" by James Reyne is hitting it's chart red light as it stumbled down seven to foty two while "Do You Wanna Get Funky" by C&C Music Factory skidded down nine spots to forty one.

Former number one and likely year end chart topper "Love is All Around" continues to leave gracefully down eight spots to twenty seven. 

Gains

We got a slew of big gains and unfortunately I am not that thrilled about some of these like "Sooner or Later" by GF4 up big from twenty five to twelve or "Yesterday, When I Was Mad" by Pet Shop Boys gaining an eight place boost to fifteen. 

I will say I am pleased that Diesel's "Come Together" got a nice nine place gain to seventeen and I'm fine with "Eighteen Strings" by Tinman up nine to twenty. 

What is showing signs of momentum lies with "Zombie" by The Cranberries up a massive fifteen places to number thirty...this song might be set to rule the charts well into 1995. 

"Lucas With the Lid off" by Lucas climbed six to thirty three...sigh. Less said the better about that one.

Re Entries

Just one return this week with "Miss You" by Haddaway back at forty eight. 

New Entries

Four new entries this week, beginning with...

50. “Interstate Love Song” by Stone Temple Pilots

So the third single from the Stone Temple Pilots album "Purple" and my god...this is great, I love how sharp and prominent the instrumentation is ehre, it all sounds so crisp. As for the content of the song, well, it's moe about the lies told to loves especially around feelings like saying "I'm fine" when he really is not. Hope this does well, terrific song. 

40. “Coming Down” by The Cult

Okay, more rock only this time coming from UK rock band The Cult and while I like some of the instrumentation, I do not at all like the vocal mixing and recording at all, they sound like they were recorded three studios over and the producer added them out of sheer ambivalence, the backing vocals sound louder in the mix than the lead singer which is beyond weird. Yeah, this is a come down...next song.

38. “Hook Me Up” by CDB

Time for some pop r'n'b courtesy of Australian male four piece Hook Me Up and wow...does this sound like a Bobby Brown song that he would have left out but I am not going to lie the instrumentation sounds smooth as hell even if I have the same issues with some of the vocal mixing here as I did with "Coming Down" by The Cult. This isn't terrible but I am going to forget this in record time. 

34. “Trouble’ by Shampoo

Finally we're finishing this week off with this song from Shampoo, a British female pop duo and well...this is a pop song made for teenagers who can relate to being caught staying out late when their parents have expressly advised not to. Shampoo remind me of a more juvenile Mel and Kim ("Respectable" and "Showing Out (Get Fresh at the Weekend)', anyone?) because while that chorus is catchy as hell, the verses are delivered in a way that completely takes me out of the song...it sounds bratty in a way that isn't cute but rather annoying and distracting from the rest of the song, 

That was our week and yeah, "Interstate Love Song" by Stone Temple Pilots just runs away with it. As for worst of the week I'm going to give it "Coming Down" by The Cult because man, that vocal mixing should be better.

ARIA Top 50 Singles Chart Review: 10th November.

 So I am going to say it, I am getting frustrated with our current number one on the ARIA singles chart, "The Fate of Ophelia" by Taylor Swift spending it's fifth week at the top, while it's still one of the better songs from "The Life of a Showgirl" but come on, five weeks at number one is ridiculous, it's still got decent sales and streaming.

That was enough to keep it ahead of "Man I Need" by Olivia Dean stuck at number two (I suspect this song being stuck at number two is why I am annoyed at "The Fate of Ophelia"...the better song is stuck at number two), "Golden" from K-Pop Demon Hunters remains at number three and "Opalite" by Taylor Swift at number four.

Regaining one spot is "No Broke Boys" by Disco Lines and Tinashe at number five, it moved past "Ordinary"  by Alex Warren, "Ordinary" is dying on streaming so expect this song to fall away HARD over the next few weeks.

"So Easy (To Fall in Love)" by Olivia Dean continues to hold sway at number eight, the same goes for Sombr's "12 to 12" at number eight,

"Soda Pop" from K-Pop Demon Hunters is back in the top ten this week up two to number nine.

Finally, we have a new arrival to our top ten and one that I absolutely am thrilled about because it's "Where is My Husband" by RAYE, it jumped three spots to number ten. So happy to see it here.

Gains

Most of our gains continue to just be songs recovering ground post the Taylor Swift album bomb apart from "Dracula" by Tame Impala which used Halloween to scoot up thirteen spots to thirty seven. 

"Gabriela" by Katseye climbed seven places to thirty three despite the song being complete ass while "Manchild" by Sabrina Carpenter jumped six spots to twenty nine. 

Olivia Dean continues to make her make with "A Couple Minutes" up thirteen to twenty eight. "Birds of a Feather" by Billie Eilish up six to twenty seven and "Victory Lap" by Fred Again..., Skepta and Plaqueboy Mas up seven to twenty four. 

"Beautiful Things" bounced back up ten spots to seventeen for Benson Boone because we still haven't got rid of that god damn atrocity to the human ear yet. 

Re Entries

Back at forty two is "Folded" by Kehlani

Losers

All of our losers are Taylor Swift album cuts that haven't gone away yet like "Eldest Daughter" which slipped fifteen to forty seven, "Ruin The Friendship" was ruined fourteen places to forty four. 

"CANCELLED!" keeps on getting cancelled down eleven to thirty nine, "Actually Romantic" continues to let the romance die down thirteen to thirty eight, "Wood" is drying up down nine to thirty two while "Wi$h Li$t" slipped ten to thirty one and the album's title track feat Sabrina Carpenter "The Life of a Showgirl" fell nine to twenty five. 

Drop Outs

"Honey" by Taylor Swift and the bigger of the two that did leave "Bad Dreams" by Teddy Swims.

New Entries

Just the one new entry this week, let's dive into...

50. "Pussy Palace" by Lily Allen

If 2025 waa going to throw up a surprise, this was one of the major ones, Lily Allen hadn't released music in seven years pre the release of her new album "West End Girl" with this song being the single from it and yeah, this song is all keys and trap with some percussion as Lily sings about going to her now ex husband's apartment to drop his stuff off and she finds out that he has been sleeping with a myriad of women behind her back, she's shocked and confused, ponders whether or not he is a sex addict which is terrifying as its something she's not thought about before. 

Not the best song on the album but it is definitely one of the more shocking. I am happy to see it here though. 

All 4 1994: 6th November. Turn Lucas's Girl Around

 No mucking around this week, let's just jump straight into the top ten where for a second week, Silverchair's "Tomorrow" holds sway at number one and it's looking good for the long haul, it thankfully kept "Always" by Bon Jovi at bay at number two and "I'll Make Love to You" by Boyz II Men at number three.

New into the chart this week is "About A Girl (MTV Unplugged)" by Nirvana at number four, here on solid sales and I am sure a lot of fans wanting to heart Kurt Cobain's voice again after he died in April 1994. 

"Secret" by Madonna moved into the top five with a one place gain to number five, not sure about the strength of this song going forward. but it was enough to see "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails shift down two places to number six and "Chains" by Tina Arena unlock it's chain at five to move down two to number seven. 

 "Endless Love" by Luther Vandross and Mariah Carey remains endlessly in love at number eight. while down two is former chart topper "Confide in Me" by Kylie Minogue to number nine.

Surprisingly...rising two to join the top ten is "Come Out and Play" by The Offspring at number ten! Wasn't expecting this song to do so well but I am fine with it being here,

Losers

So E.Y.C's "Black Book" is heading toward being given the red card off the top 50 as it plummeted from thirty six to forty nine...good riddance quite honestly. "Gimme" by Boom Crash Opera slipped seven to twenty one. 

Former number one "Love Is All Around" by Wet Wet Wet stumbled six places to nineteen. It's on it's eway out gracefully. 

Gains

Surprisingly not that many big moves this week but for some reason we did see "Sooner or Later" by GF4 get a solid eight place boost to twenty five because apparently we need a bland nothing of a song from a girl group gaining traction and Cold Chisel got one hell of a big jump from thirty one to sixteen. 

"All I Wanna Do" by Sheryl Crow looks headed for a stint in the top ten as it rises five to eleven. 

New Entries

50. “Turn the Beat Around” by Gloria Estefan

So I am going to be honest here, I am not a fan of Gloria Estefan, I think she's talented but the material she is given to work with isn't great and this sounds like a cut that belongs to the work she did with Miami Sound Machine in the 80s and this is Gloria Estefan trying to play in a more 90s sound and it just doesn't work for me at all. Also this just feels like its riding the Eurodance trend with the big doofy beats so yeah...I don't care this. 

45. “Zombie” by The Cranberries

Oh god, there's no possible way I can talk about this song and do it justice because The Cranberries have crafted one of the most incredible political songs. The song is about an IRA bombing in Warrington in 1993 that injured fifty six people and horrifically took the lives of two children and condemns the violence and bloodshed that occured during rhe "Troubles" between the UK and the IRA (a group that wanted to separate Northern Ireland from the UK and reunite it with the Republic of Ireland. You can hear the seething rage in the vocals of Dolores O'Riordan's voice as she is singing. God damn, incredible song.

39, “Lucas With the Lid off” by Lucas

And now we get to something that's a bit weird and I am not entirely sure of the idea that it's any good. This is from Danish rapper Lucas Seccon and is the second single from Lucas's second album "Lucacentric" and somehow features a sample from Benny Goodman's "When Buddha Smiles" and I am going to have say no to this because geezus christ, this sounds like mumble rap. I wish it reminded me less of Jive Bunmy and the Mastermixers. Next.

4. “About A Girl (MTV Unplugged Sessions)” by Nirvana

I tend to be a bit reticent to cover live versions of songs mostly because music live tends to sound great and covering this specifically feels painful if you remember that Kurt Cobain died in April of 1994 so yeah out of pure respect to Kiurt Cobain, I am just going to say, this is excellent, go and give this a listen. 

However the best of the week is going to "Zombie" by The Cranberries, as for the worst of the week...that's going to Lucas for "Lucas With the Lid Off"

ARIA Singles Top 50 Chart Review: 3rd November

 Sigh, more than half the top ten are stagnant this week so let's not waste time and get on with this because for a fourth week "The Fate of Ophelia" by Taylor Swift remains at number one and there seems like there is no stoppping this song even though it's lost the streaming lead however Taylor did release a new version of the song on streaming yesterday much to my annoyance but we shan't talk about gaming the charts now, shall we?

It held up over Olivia Dean's "Man I Need" stuck at number two (this deserves a week at number one at least...come on), "Golden" from K-Pop Demon Hunters holding steady at number three, "Opalite" by Taylor Swift hanging around at number four, "Ordinary" by Alex Warren glued at number five and "No Broke Boys" by Disco Lines and Tinashe keeps dancing at number six,

Moving up three to number seven is Olivia Deans "So Easy (To Fall in Love)", this song is getting a run together on streaming, it could climb higher in the weeks ahead. The same could apply for "12 to 12" by Sombr which jumped one spot to number eight, both songs pushed past "Elizabeth Taylor" by Taylor Swift which fell two spots to number nine. 

Finally returning to the top ten this week is "Back to Friends" by Sombr which climbed four spots to number ten. 

Los

Gains

The gains are mostly older song gaining back ground as the Taylor Swift album bomb continues its slow recedation, for example "Daisies" by Justin Bieber rebounded eight spots to seventeen and "Undressed" by Sombr jumped back up nine spots to eighteen. 

"Die With A Smile" by Lady Gaga and Bruno Mars got an eight place rebound to thirty seven. 

Losers

Alright, lets get started on the mass losses that songs from Taylor Swift's "The Life of a Showgirl" suffered this week, we begin with "Honey" which sunk another eleven places to thirty nine, "Eldest Daughter" suffered shrinkage down nine to thirty two, "Ruin the Friendship" dropped eight to thirty, "CANCELLED" got stamped down seven more times to twenty eight, nobody's knocking on "Wood" so it's down eight to twenty three, "Wi$h Li$t" dipped eight to twenty one and "Father Figure" is losing its shapely figure down six to fourteen.

The only non Taylor Swift song to lose big chunk of ground was "Dracula" by Tame Impala down ten to fifty but I do expect that to get a Halloween boost next week

New Entrie

Just the one new entry this week, let's talk about...

41. "A Couple Minutes" by Olivia Dean

Considering I absolutely adore "The Art of Loving" and in particular this song, I am pretty happy that Olivia Dean is having a continued impact on the charts and it's for the better because yeah this is such a great song. that oorchestral backing is just majestic as Olivia Dean slides in, the content works well here as she sings about the intimacy of a very brief reunion and discovering that that old connection still has a spark to it. Check this out.

Next week is a bit who knows, could be another quiet one afoot (having far too many quiet weeks on the charts this year). 

All 4 1994: 30th October. Sooner or Later, All Come Together for You

 Well, wasn't expecting a new number one this week but that's what we have because we have a trio of teenagers at the top of the chart, that's right, Silverchair's "Tomorrow" has climbed two spots to take the number one. 

It mercifully moved past "Always" by Bon Jovi which remains at number two. Former chart topper "I'll Make Love to You" by Boyz II Men fell two places to number three.

The big surprise other than our new number one was the nine place gain for "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails to number four. I wasn't expecting this song to get here.

Tina Arena keeps chaining herself to new chart positions each week as "Chains" climbs two to number five, it pushed past "Secret" by Madonna which slipped one to number six,  "Confide in Me" by Kylie Minogue which fell three spots to number seven and "Endless Love" by Luther Vandross and Mariah Carey which slipped two spots to number eight.

Finally two songs remain where they are those being "Swamp Thing" by The Grid and "7 Seconds" by Youssou N'Dour and Neneh Cherry at number ten. 

Losers

Def FX slipped seven places to fifty with "Post Moronic" while JX's "Son of a Gun" slipped fourteen spots to forty four. 

Also suffering a massive collapse is former top five hit "100% Pure Love" by Crystal Waters as it tumbled from twenty eight to forty one. "Red Light Avenue" by James Reyne is going the wrong way but can't seem to find a way to go back down eight to forty. 

Not going to complain that "What's the Frequency, Kenneth?" by R.E.M slipped nine to thirty eight while "Do You Wanna Get Funky?" by C&C Music Factory stumbled seven spots to thirty. 

Unfortunately "Can You Feel the Love Tonight?" by Elton John crashed from sixteen to twenty two.

Re-Entries

Just the one return with "Love Ain't Here Anymore" by Take That back at forty seven. 

Gains

I am reasonably happy that "(I Could Only) Whisper Your Name" by Harry Connick Jr jumped twelve spots to thirty seven and 'Eighteen Strings" by Tinnan got a sizeable boost from forty six to twenty seven.

However why is "Yesterday, When I Was Mad" by Pet Shop Boys up from forty seven to twenty six and "Gimme" by Boom Crash Opera up eight to fourteen? Ugh. 

 New Entries

Five new entries this week, beginning with...

34. “The Strangest Part (These are the Times)” by INXS

New INXS single from the band's greatest hits album and this one is actually better than a lot of their recent output, it has a groove thanks to the drums plus Michael Hutchence has enough charisma that I'm fairly certain he could convince somebody to buy a bridge. As for the content of the song, it appears to be a commentary on the band's lifestyle. It's a little safe for INXS but considering I haven't likeed any of their singles in 1994, I'll take this one. 

33. “Sooner or Later” by GF4

The brand new single from Girlfriend or as they are now known GF4 following the departure of Robyn Loau and yeah, this is not great, sure the harmonies here are really good but it's the weird ass dance electronic instrumentation that doesn't blend well with the girls voices and leaves them sounding insubstantial and wispy in the mix and as for the rap verse...it's find but wow it shows just how much the departure of Robyn has hurt this group. Not good but not terrible either. 

31. “Nothing But You” by Cold Chisel

So this is another song of those songs that really does feel like a Cold Chisel demo. Ian Moss taking the lead on the song and it doesn't quite have the same stick or hit the landing as good as some of Cold Chisel's other songs with Moss as lead such as "My Baby" (a song I think is one of Chisel's best), I don't think it's a bad song but when the instrumentation doesn't feel like it's on all cylinders than yeah I am going to pass on it more often tthan not. 

24. “All Come Together” by Diesel

I think by now most people know that I am a sucker for Diesel's music and yeah this one is no different because this is pretty damn good almost great even if I think the chorus don't quite come together the way it should. The song hits on everyone working together to reach a common cause or purpose and the connection of people in overcoming diversity to find love. Definitely a damn good song that I think might get a little underrated, check this out. 

16. “All I Wanna Do” by Sheryl Crow

We end of this week's new entry reviews with a song from American singer/songwriter Sheryl Crow and well, this song is certainly an interesting pop/rock song because the opening line of the song "All I wanna do is have a little fun before I die" comes from the opening line of a poem by Wyn Cooper and the song has this really interesting downbeat vibe where this man is sitting at a bar just watching the world go by and everyone else hustling to clean cars in work clothes all while he feels like he is wasting his life. It's a dark song but a good one check it out

That wraps up our week, I am going to give worst of the week to "Sooner or Later" by GF4...a return that fell flat for me. Best of the week is going to Diesel for "All Come Together" 

Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2024

There have been a lot of very different opinions on how 2024 was for the popular music landscape, many are saying that 2024 was one of the best years for pop music in the 2020s so far which I do get if you enjoyed the break throughs of Sabrina Carpenter, Chappell Roan and Gracie Abrams or the "rap beef of the decade" between Kendrick Lamar and Drake while others pointed out that many of the hits from the breakthrough artists were at best mediocre and many of the songs that became big were absolutely awful.

For me though in terms of the hits, 2024 was decent...not great...I did manage find more songs for my best list than I did for my worst list so that was a win but the best stuff doesn't quite hit the same note as the best of 2021 or even 2022 however we are not dealing with the best today, we are dealing with the rotten garbage that has been allowed to fester in some cases on the charts for way too long.

But before we get to all of that, lets go through the rules. 

1. A song can appear on this list if it debuted on the 2024 ARIA top 100 singles year end or it's peak was higher on the 2024 year end than in 2023

2. A song will not appear on this list if I didn't review it during the year eg: if you are wondering why "Carnival" by Kanye West and Ty Dolla $ign is not on the list proper. I feel like even giving this amount of attention to a clown like Kanye is not not worth it so why bother putting him on the list proper when it's just more worthwhile doing what I have done since the song was released in February in ignoring it's unwelcome existence. 

3. This is my list so my opinion. Music is subjective so try not to get too mad over these picks.

4. This is going to be just a top ten list. No dishonourable/honourable mentions this year given I've only got a small list of songs to choose from for these lists. Thanks for tbat ARIA.

Alright, now that's out of the way...let's jump into this dumpster of rotting brain worms and start with...

Number Ten

You know...I came to not mind a lot of Sabrina Carpenter's hits this year, she has something of a personality which is more than can be said for a few other wannabe main stream pop girls right now that I tried to get this song of hers to grow on me but I'm sorry...this one just does not satisfy me in any shape or form.

"Espresso" by Sabrina Carpenter

Alright, I get it, this one is an out of nowhere pick for a worst list considering that it does seem like most people like it however "Espresso" is one of those songs that no matter how hard I try to like, it just gives me a whole load of slightly less than frothy nothing with none of the energy boost that caffeine is supposed to provide you with and that is frustrating because you can tell Sabrina wants it to be this frothy song about this guy she has wrapped around her finger snd the hook just sounds like somebody grinding their treeth to me which is not a pleasant sound to my ear. 

This song is just cringe overall and while I get while people like it, I think I'll be staying away from it for good.

Number Nine

Sigh...you know when I said "wannabe main pop girls"?. Let's get an easy target out of the way.

"That's So True" by Gracie Abrams

So I am going to say right off the bat that the least impressive of the break out female pop acts in 2024 was Gracie Abrams who got her big break through like Sabrina touring with Taylor Swift on the Eras Tour, her weirdly cloying song writing that felt very early Taylor Swift did nothing for me generally and this song soured me on her hard, there's just something infuriating where she sings in the most juvenile way possible "You're an idiot, now I'm sure of it", she sounds like a five year old chanting "I'm rubber, your glue, whatever bounces off me sticks to you" in the nost agonising and painful way imaginable and it makes listening to this song quite the aggravating experience. 

Throw in that weurd ass hook and yeah...I am done with absolute nightmare of a song. 

Number Eight

I'd really love for soul music to make a return to the charts in some way...turns out in 2024...it kind of it did...too bad it sucked.

"Lose Control" by Teddy Swims

I am going to keep this short, Teddy Swims has a couple of songs like "The Door" and "Bad Dreams" that I actually really damn like and think are close to great, especially "The Door", but the fact that "Lose Control" which for a song about a man losing control when the woman he loves is not with him is stiffer than cardboard or a freshly ironed shirt should be considered criminal especially for this brand of pop soul that Teddy Swims is going for here and when the second verse sounds like Swims is trying to impersonate Post Malone...yeah, that's when I stopped caring...next!

Number Seven

So we're going hip hop for the next couple of songs and this one is probably one that people could make justified arguments for this being higher on the list but regardless, it wouldn't be here if it didn't belong on a list like this and thus...

"Lovin' On Me" by Jack Harlow

I fear Jack Harlow hit his peak on his feature on Lil Nas X's "Industry Baby" because his output since that song has been embarrassingly mediocre to awful and this song might be one of Harlow's worst efforts to date with his efforts to compare himself to Rico Suave and that how he is kinky in bed but doesn't like whips and chains, he choke her but of course he ain't no killer, lyrically this song is just a walking bucket of cringe with some sloppy and lethargic production to boot. In short this song is gross. now let's move the fuck on before I fucking throw up. 

                                      

Number Six

If you want a song that sounds like complete diarrhea than it's a fine time to introduce you all to...

"Fein" by Travis Scott and Playboi Caeti. 

Another one, I'll keep short and sweet because what is there to say about a song that just sounds like a complete nightmare especially when you have Travis Scott repeating "Fein" across the song like its going out of fashion or something while simultaneously sounding like a dog's squeaky toy. Playboi Carti proves himself to be as useless as usual which could also be said about the limp beat that sounds cheap as cordial cans at a return and earn! Throw in the usual pathetic bars about women and you have one of the most bog standard, boring and crappy mainstream rap songs in modern memory.

Number Five

So this was the biggest hit by Australian artist in 2024...shame it sucks!

"Stumblin' In" by Cyril

This song being as big as it was is the biggest screaming indictment on the Australilan music scene in the 2020s after all this is just taking a classic 70s love song by Suzi Quatro and Chris Norman, stripping out the old instrumnental and replacing it with a crappy new instrumental that added this weird sterile texture rather than anything that feels lived in or like there is anything resembling live while the production makes Chris Norman sound rough, like he is singing his verse half asleep. This isn't Cyril's worst effort in 2024, his version of Crowded House's "Fall At Your Feet" feat Dean Lewis would have been a contender for number one on this list had it been a hit.

Number Four

2024 was this next guy's year, after all he had the biggest song of the year (we'll get to that song) which enabled him to release this crooning atrocity and thus...

"Slow It Down"  by Benson Boone.

There are worse songs on Benson Boone's atrocity of an album namely "Cry" and a certain other song but dear god does this one deserve to be here with Boone switching his vocals between this odd crooning to somewhere near scteeching throughout the song, it just sounds painful to the point where I'm checking my hearing is still in tack during the song. It's just a thoroughly painful song to have to listen to to the point it's not good as a laid back chill song or does really get anyone moving to the dancefloor so its fucking useless...NEXT! 

Number Three

This one feels like I am punching down on a legend of hip hop. Em, you are so much better than this. 

"Houdini" by Eminem

This is the song that convinced me that Eminem needs to consider the idea that he might be done because this song is just not it, grabbing up chunks of 1982 hit "Abracadabra" by the Steve Miller Bamd (a song that I cannot stand and apparently plenty of Steve Miller Band fans hate it as well) while Eminem makes some painfully lame jokes about drugs and collaborating with Megan Thee Stallion (I think Megan has better things to do with her time to be fair here, Em) and complain about cancel culture, you'd honestly think he was a Donald Trump fan if you didn't know any better. This song is embarrassing. Let's stick to "Without Me" the song referenced at the beginning of this shitpile of a song because it's the length of the M1 motorway better than this. 

Number Two

I spent a chunk of my 2023 list talking about this guy, his big hit song "Last Night" topped that list but this year he is just falling short but oh dear god, it was close...

"Thinkin' About Me" by Morgan Wallen

I've really run out of things to say about the music of Morgan Wallen's music, the production is often drippy and more often than not the writing comes across as projecting and doing little more than upholding something of a victim complex which is a perfect place to start when describing this disastrous dipshit of a song. 

Seriously, the lyrics in this song would make milk curdle and go sour all on it's own without anyone leaving it out in the sun or hitting the fucking expiry date. Wallen is obsessed with this girl who has presumably moved on from him to be with another guy but Wallen is still chasing her even though he claims the relationship turned bad and now he is projecting asking if she's obsessed with him like he is her and I make that assumption because the lyrics make it increidbly easy to see that Wallen is the obsessed one...like dude, she's done with your ass, move the fuck on and get over her. 

All that over this drippy, miserable sounding mix and Wallen's nasal drone sounding possibly worse than it did on "Last Night", the only reason it's not number one is because none of it feels like a complete violation of my ear drums.

Number One

On the other hand, THIS is what complete and utter violation of the ear drums sounds like. 

"Beautiful Things" by Benson Boone.

It's an indictment on the charts that this song was allowed to go to number one for as long as it did and hung around like somebody hasn't washed a pair of particularly egregious smelling underpants. Every time I hear that opening guitar line and Bennson Boone start crooning, I roll my eyes so hard that I have to make sure my eyes don't fall out of my head because dear god, the lyrics on this song are just....really? He has met a young woman that his parents like, his mental health is doing better and life is looking up for him but than he dips into religious pandering by claiming he believes that God will take this girl and everything that is good in his life away...like seriously? The only one who can throw anything good in your lfie away is YOU making bad choices. The lyrics read like a really clingy Jason Mraz song. 

It's then we must get into the other part of the equation as to why this song is at the top spot on the worst list because religious pandering wasn't quite enough to push this song to the top on it's own, it's the ear drum violations that are Benson Boone's vocals on the hook where it splits the line between shrieking and insanity and underscore just how utterly asinine this song is where he throws himself at this higher power begging them not take his "beautiful things" away (Okay, I absolutely abject to calling a woman a thing by the way) in the most dramatic and cartoonish way possible like his Sylvester throwing a tantrum because Tweety won't make it easy for him to catch him after five hundred failed attempts and it's just obnoxious.

Throw in the "WAAAAHHHH AHHH OOOHH OH OH" and you have a song that really rams home feeling like your ears have been utterly violated and some higher power is going to reek vengenance on all of us because of this song, although maybe the release of this song is the karma we got...ugh.

Anyway "Beautiful Things" by Benson Boone is the worst hit song of 2024.