We have reached the end of 2019, so it is time to discuss
the hit songs that actively pissed me off during this year. 2019 is a difficult
year to find the absolute worst in popular music mostly because a lot of it
while not great was pretty good and others relatively inoffensive that I was
just ambivalent toward, I really enjoyed this year music wise, however it also
meant the absolutely terrible hit songs stuck out like sore thumbs and need to
their rotting fleshy carcasses dealt with however I will say I am not as angry
toward some of these as they aren’t worth the hatred as there was MUCH worse
that didn’t chart (looking at you Liam Payne, Zac Brown Band and AJR)
My rules for this list are simple, the songs must have made
their debut on the year end list for 2019 to be considered, overplayed on the
radio cannot be a factor for making this list, a song has to actively piss me
off with its content or the actual music to make it
.
Also I have decided to introduce a new rule, if a song that
made the 2018 year end list hits the 2019 year end list higher then that’s
eligible for this list too.
Let’s get this show started with a song I am certain I am
the only person that changed the station when it came on the radio because I
was so tired of it
10. I’m So Tired” by Lauv and Troye Sivan
I loved Troye Sivan’s 2018 album “Bloom” however this song
just drives me up the wall every single god damn time I hear it, it’s a song
where Lauv and Sivan complain that they are “so tired of love songs” that they
just want to go home and how sick they are of people falling in love to their
song. Seriously? If a song makes that connection for somebody to falling in
love that’s honestly a great thing. The second verse goes through how clingy
this guy is, there’s a vague element of creepy here and that shines through in
the production with its minimalist and uninteresting close to trap music sound
that by the way is so played out in modern music.
If you can get past how creepy the vocals and the production
is on this song than good for you…I guess but I can’t…this song blows…time to
move on…
This next song is from a group that really disappointed me
in 2019, this band released a song earlier in the decade that might just make
my top ten best hit songs of the decade, but I can’t lie when they disappointed
me, they disappointed me hard and boy did they disappoint in 2019
9. “Rescue Me” by OneRepublic
It’s hard to believe OneRepublic have gone from pop rock
anthems like “Counting Stars” and “Love Runs Out” to “Rescue Me” mostly because
both “Counting Stars” and “Love Runs Out” sees OneRepublic front man Ryan
Tedder exude some charisma and genuine personality on both songs that make them
infectious and danceable however “Rescue Me”
can’t enter the pantheon Tedder
sounds monotonous and lacking any sort of fire or passion on the hook and as
for the production, the instrumentation sounds like its trying to connect three
or four different songs, it just doesn’t work at all and this was another
instant radio station changer when this come on, it’s a painfully tired song and
OneRepublic are capable of so much better.
Speaking of capable of so much better, two genuine pop music
popstars get together for a collaboration and come up with this?
8. “I Don’t Care” by Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber
It ought to be a crime to have Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber
on a song together and neither of them show more personality or charisma than a
cake of soap and much like Ryan Tedder on “Rescue Me”, they sound like they
would rather be anywhere else than dancing with their baby, these two sound
like they are having as much fun as a couple of kids in detention writing “I
must not sing “Yummy” during maths”
Also not helping is the production lacking any kind of
groove or energy. The only energy about this song is what sounds like a monkey
jacked up on sleeping pills and Red Bull.
Given what Justin Bieber has released this year so far, its
safe to say he will be on this list again not that he’d care all that much.
So after “Meant to Be” in 2018, country and pop combining
continued to be a thing with Dan and Shay’s “10,000 Hours” feat. Justin Bieber
which while boringly nauseating didn’t make my blood run cold however I can’t
say the same for this EDM-country mess, Marshmello, PLEASE EXPLAIN?
7. “One Thing Right” by Marshmello feat. Kane Brown
After the “Meant to Be” clusterfuck of 2018, I would have
thought pop and country would have learned that this kind of thing has more
chance of sounding terrible than any good but EDM producer Marshmello not
getting the message with this attempt at EDM country ‘rock’ with that awful
squealing guitar during the breakdown that just sends a cold chill down my back
and my teeth on edge every time I hear it.
The production means Kane Brown has to deliver the lyrics in
this flat monotone not that it really matters because the lyrics are the 2019
version of Hoobastank’s “The Reason” with all the sickening subtext as well, if
you’ve cheated on and lied to her, Kane, why the hell is she sticking around?
She should have packed up and left you ages ago.
This song got played over any number of women in country and
independent artists on US country radio and added to the unnecessary maligning
of country music as a whole.
Marshmello can go away any time he likes as far as I am concerned.
So my thoughts on this band in recent days have been
overwhelmingly positive in light of the release of their most recent single on
Thursday so in order to figure out why they are making this list, you have to
go back to the first single from this upcoming album…
6. “Easier” by 5 Seconds of Summer
My anger at this song is kind of diluted by the fact that
“Teeth” was pretty good and their new single “No Shame” is excellent however it
makes “Easier” a massive disappointment because there was so much potential to
this song instead the production sounds like the three producers on this track
Louis Bell, Andrew Watt, andCharlie Puth intermixed four sounds into one and it
sounds TERRIBLE.
Luke’s falsetto on this song is ear grating, granted it’s
much better on “No Shame” but that doesn’t excuse how awful “Easier” is on the
ear which draws attention to the lyrics which draw into this toxic relationship
where he doesn’t want to find out the answer if its easier to stay or go
because this girl is beautiful…a girl being beautiful is NOT a good enough
reason to stay in a bad relationship, this is the sort of relationship that
sinks toward being in emotionally abusive territory. Definitely not a good
song,
Look, this next guy has been a plague on the music scene for
the entirety of the 2010s and what is worse some people want to crown this
person as a king of R’n’B despite many of his albums during the past decade
being bloated atrocities yet somehow this over rated and overtly decorated
clown still somehow has a music career,
5. “No Guidance” by Chris Brown and Drake
So somehow everyone, who in recent days has been lining up
to give Justin Bieber a pass for a generic plague dispenser of a lazy, slapdash
album which they shouldn’t. has declared Chris Brown a legend and wanting to bestow some kind of
“king of ‘r’n’b’ crown, two titles that he does not deserve as his songs are
mostly drizzled with autotune or absolutely gross eg: 2017 single “No Privacy”
or his 2018 hit with “rapper” Lil Dicky “Freaky Friday” (which should have made
my worst list in 2018). This song is an absolute slog to sit through with its
bland beat as Brown continues to show his terrible attitude toward women by
gaslighting young women into having sex with him. Ew.
What is not much better is there’s no chemistry or
interesting word play by either Drake or Brown has they sloppily try to hook up
with a girl through layers of autotune. Chris Brown is no king of R’n’B and
Drake will most likely continue to be the most over exposed music star in the
world next to Ariana Grande (we’ll get to her) while inspiring Justin Bieber to
shit out mediocrity
Oh boy…this song has been piled on by plenty of people and
originally, I wasn’t one of them however with the passing of time I have
realized my mistake and that Lewis Capaldi was committing crimes against good
music.
4. “Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi
Here we have the most overwrought song to become a hit since
Whitney Houston’s ghastly cover of “I Will Always Love You” (have to slaughter
one sacred cow) but unlike Whitney Houston, Lewis Capaldi sounds like he is
just perpetually in pain after one too many kicks to the scrotum while on a bender
which makes “Somebody Like You” intolerable at least from a vocal standpoint,
the only saving grace for Capaldi is that at least he has more charisma than
Justin Bieber.
This song is toxic in the worst way possible, it only
reinforces what this girl did without any balance to indicate why she maybe did
what she did to end the relationship and the song just comes off sounding like
Capaldi whining over this really dreary piano. Yeah, I might have liked this
song when it first came out but yeah repeated listens to it on the radio soured
me on this toxic, whiny mess in no time at all and if “Before You Go” makes the
year end for 2020, we might well be talking about Capaldi again. Joy.
So let’s get to a regular on a year-end worst list…Halsey.
Now much like 5 Seconds of Summer, she has released a decent song off her new
album “Manic” as her new single and it is currently sitting in the top 5 but if
you all remember, in 2019, she released this…
3. “Without Me” by Halsey
This song was never going to top this list but oh boy, this
song has so many issues, it’s hard to know where to begin, the production is
this watery mess that’s not got enough gravitas to carry any of the melodrama
that Halsey is trying to sell with all the enthusiasm of a seven year old child
trying to avoid hugging that uncle who smells of cigarettes and stale farts.
The content of the song though is the reason that this song
is so high up on this list where Halsey claims she was the one who carried
presumably G-Eazy to the top which I doubt considering he was doing well on the
charts before those two started dating, it’s got this veneer of ego and lack of
self-awareness that makes this song frankly really toxic and paints Halsey in a
pretty ordinary light. I have no use for this song.
Now we get to somebody I never imagined I would be putting
on a year end worst list but it was the first song of 2019 that I took an
instant dislike too and well…
2. “7 Rings” by Ariana Grande
Man, I was really starting to like Ariana Grande and she
goes and releases this awful trap ridden garbage that her cooing sounds
terrible over which features an interpolation of “My Favourite Things” from
Sound of Music? I mean come on Ariana, you are better than this especially when
“Into You”, “Love Me Harder”, “No Tears Left to Cry” and even “Dangerous Woman”
exist!
Also the message of the song is a horrific one,
if you feel sad, go out and spend a tonne of money because Ariana’s fans all
have parents who are loaded with money and can afford to let their kids splash
out on a new doll or whatever because they are feeling sad. Capitalism isn’t
something we can revert to whenever we are feeling miserable, Ariana, that isn’t
healthy for anyone.
This is a gross and frankly awful song that hopefully will
be forgotten about but its not my number one so what could possibly be worse
than what I’ve already spoken about?
My number one song reflects how toxic the world is right now
in all kinds of ways, this guy should never had a top ten hit with this nor
should this have been excused by so many people.
1.
1. "Hot Girl Bummer” by Blackbear
This song just shouldn’t exist, it just shouldn’t and the
fact this song became a bigger hit in Australia than the song it rode the magic
carpet off that being “Hot Girl Summer” by Megan Thee Stallion feat. Nicki Minaj
and Ty Dolla $ign is a crime worthy of having somebody locked in Long Bay jail
for and the fact he dropped this cheap crappy synth and trap slog makes me
question whether hip hop and popular music have any god damn standards anymore.
The implication that all these girls that Blackbear is meeting
with at this party are stupid and cheat every Thursday unlike him, the stench
of rising crappy misogyny rising from this stinky turd is actually intolerable
especially as Blackbear is the one painting himself as somebody who would never
cheat and oh he is too big to fit in a condom. I mean please that is gross.
At the end of the day, this song is the pissy, disgusting
kind of garbage the charts can ill afford, worst hit song of 2019 and if we’re
lucky, Blackbear will fade into relative obscurity.