We begin with an established star trying to get in on the
fading club boom with bad results…
10. “Til the World Ends” by Britney Spears.
If there was one established female pop artist that the
early 2010s club boom was not good for, I could make the argument it is Britney
Spears because “Til the World Ends” is just a mess even at a production level, her
limited vocal range just doesn’t sound
good against warping synths, handclaps and heavy percussion, she actually
sounds off key on in places on the chorus and while it isn’t the worst song to
come out of the dying club boom, it’s certainly not good.
Speaking of bad songs from the fading club boom…
9. “We Run the Night” by Havana Brown feat. Pitbull
Casting aside Pitbull who gives the opening intro, this song
is a pile up of noise, the intro is grating so its actually a relief when
Havana Brown starts singing but her voice is wafer thin and lacks the presence
or punch before launching into this bridge and chorus where she just wails, it
sounds awful and oh more headache inducing noises. Ugh. I don’t mind my fair
share of bad dance pop this ain’t it, probably says a lot that Havana Brown
hasn’t really had a presence on the charts since.
I am a fan of this next artist but in 2011, the name of the
song really represented something I had begun to wonder in 2011 regarding her music.
8. “What the Hell” by Avril Lavigne
So by 2011, Avril was releasing some pretty darn obnoxious
music, I hated her previous album at the time “The Best Damn Thing” and when
she released this song, it was more of what I found frustrating about Avril,
immature obnoxious lyrics combined with bad production. “What the Hell” is the
perfect example of bad writing because she’s in a relationship where this guy
is in love with her and catches her out making out with his best friend however
Avril is passing it off as having fun, what the? That is just completely messed
up and completely unfair, this song sucks…ugh.
Another year end worst list, another Rihana song finds its
way here…
7. “S&M” by Rihanna
I would swear this is the most unsexy song to reference
bondage in pop music this decade with the gurgling bass that sounds like
absolute turd and Rihanna sounding anything other than excited about the
‘chains and whips’ even the obnoxious backing vocals with the “na na come on
come on” are more excited about the possibility of bondage than Rihanna!. Ugh.
Now for a song that I’ve always hated by an artist I have
begun to like although with this song you may question why.
6. “The Lazy Song” by Bruno Mars
This song is the worst thing that Bruno Mars could have
possibly written, it starts off with “Today I don’t feel like doing
anything”…well you are doing something you are singing about not doing anything
when you are actually doing something and references to actually doing things
are all over the song so he isn’t actually doing nothing. Also messing around
and getting your college degree at the same time is kind of stupid given how
hard most people have to work to get those.
I think this was year that finally showed me Maroon 5 were
going the wrong way and becoming more sterile…
5. “Moves Like Jagger” by Maroon 5 feat. Christina Aguilera.
This song began Maroon 5’s spiral into becoming the Adam
Levine Experience and making into some of the most sterile pop music of the
decade although yes there is an argument that this song has some flavour that’s
completely over ridden by the annoying whistling, Adam Levine sounding like he
was desperate for a toilet break during the recording of the song and Christina
Aguilera’s way too enthusiastic delivery in a song all about putting moves like
Mick Jagger on someone like they are vaguely going to be impressed you can
dance like Mick Jagger. This song is gross at best and atrocious at worst, yet
it only sits at number 5, what could possibly be worse?
You know, I get the feeling this next act were created to be
obnoxious and annoying otherwise there’s absolutely no reason this song should
exist.
4. “Champagne Showers” by LMFAO and Natalia Kills
At some point in 2011, I think I got sick of LMFAO as it’s
15 minutes of fame were running out and Redfoo tried his level best to extend
his longer by making Australian TV appearances but “Champagne Showers” while
not being the worst thing LMFAO released, it still manages to sound like
something Will.i.am managed to cock up with Natalia Kills vocals reduced to
chipmunk fragments with what sounds like screaming on the chorus.
By the way let’s remind ourselves of what a ‘champagne
shower’ is courtesy of Urban Dictionary…on second thought, let’s not…ewww…
Although while LMFAO were an obnoxious presence on the 2011
charts, there was one band who were doing their best to be incredibly obnoxious
in their own way…
3. “Tonight Tonight” by Hot Chelle Rae.
Look, it comes as no surprise this song is here after all it
has appeared on most other critics year end worst lists for 2011 because it is
truly one of the biggest pieces of shitty pop rock this decade. This guy
whinges in the very first verse about having a ‘messed up’ week where his
girlfriend cheated on him and he is going to quit her after he described the
week as being TORTURE, yeah sure girlfriend cheating on you sucks but it really
doesn’t fit into the realm of being torture then they are going to shrug it off
with some party on a rooftop somewhere…seriously. This song gets worse to with
the vocals being an absolute joke. I would take SIMPLE PLAN over this. Hot Chelle
Rae maybe the early 2010s incantation of bloody AJR except without the annoying
chipmunk fragments that AJR smother their songs in.
This next pick is controversial more because I know plenty
of people like or love this song however I…well…
2. “Pumped Up Kicks” by Foster the People
So I finally have an opportunity to give this song the
thoroughly due thrashing it deserves for being a limp piece of indie rock that
the end of the club boom meant more indie rock and pop was appearing more on
the charts but none the less while “Pumped Up Kicks” might well be an
‘anti-gun’ song I just can’t stand the wimpy sounding chorus and the grating whistling
that comes with it and lacks the darkness it needs to get across its message,
it just seems creepily cheerful in a way that it’s really rather unpleasant to
listen to.
Well, this was predictable…I said LMFAO would appear again
and here they are…
1. 1. "Sexy and I Know It” by LMFAO
This song typifies EVERYTHING that was wrong with popular
music in 2011 or at least the club boom party which thank god was coming to an
end in terms of the fact that it’s a fucking pointless and stupidly generic
song. This song is repetitive garbage from the beat to the lyrics, its lazy and
reminds me in a awful way of how painfully obnoxious 3OH!3 were in 2010. The
third verse repeats ‘wiggle’ into incoherence three years before bloody Jason
DeRulo got hold of that infuriating word in 2014. Fortunately LMFAO’s 15
minutes of fame ran out and they haven’t been heard from in years, good fucking
riddance.
