Well knock me over with three dozen bulldozers, we've got a doozy of a week here and it all starts right at the very top where out of it seems completely nowhere, "Eternal Flame" by The Bangles has taken the number one spot, it stormed six places to the top of the chart thanks to sales that were strong enough to unseat "Like A Prayer" by Madonna back one to number two and "The Living Years" by Mike + The Mechanics back to number three as both songs are weakening and both ready to gracefully slide their way out of the top 50.
It also meant that "Stuck On You" by Paul Norton took a one place to number four while "Ring My Bell" by Collette remains steady at number five somehow.
What I am not thrilled about is the continued rise for Bette Midler's "Wind Beneath My Wings" which climbed three places to number six and looks unfortunately well positioned for a run at the top five.
All that did was help send "Stop!" by Sam Btown on a three place plummet to number seven and it's going to come under threat from our latest arrival to the top ten "Now You're In Heaven" by Julian Lennon up three places to number eiight.
At least it pushed "Lost in Your Eyes" Debbie Gibson back one place to number nine while "She Drives Me Crazy" by Fine Young Cannibals gets a three place push down to number ten.
Gains
Kate Ceberamo's "Bedroom Eyes" have the attention of the charts this week, it's darting up five to number eleven this week.
Breaking into the the top twenty this week is "Iko Iko" by The Belle Stars which climbed one place to twenty
"The Look" by Roxette is up ten places to number 23 as it looks set for a run toward the top ten while "House of Cards" by James Reyne climbed big off it's debut as it climbed from 50 to 26!
"Straight Up" lived up to it's name for Paula Abdul as it rose from 34 to 27 while "I Drove All Night" climbed from 35 to 28.
Daryl Braithwaite's "L:et Me Be" rose ten places to 29 and "One" by Metallca jmped nine places to 38 while "Something's Got a Hold of My Heart" by Marc Almond feat. Gene Pitney rebounded back to 41...shame, thought that song was done.
Losers
We start with "Soul Revival" by Johnny Diesel & The Injectors which stumbled down from 41 to 49 this week while "Twist in My Sobriety" by Tanita Tikaram slipped eleven places to 43.
"She's A Mystery To Me" by Roy Orbison slipped twelve places to 42 while "Belfast Child" by Simple Minds fell back from 31 to 37 and "Fire Woman" by The Cult slimped nine places to 36.
Fprmer top five hit "Tucker's Daughter" by Ian Moss slid ten places to 35 and former number one "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" by The Proclaimers slipped six places to 30.
New Entries
Six pieces of fresh meat in the top fifty this week, let's begin with...
50. "Change His Ways" by Robert Palmer
So we're starting with the fifth single from Robert Palmer's album "Heavy Nova" and this is not one of Palmer's better singles to date, it's messy conglomeration of genres into something that doesn't work at all and then there's Palmer yodelling which doesn't even fit with the vibe he is going for here! Yeah, not good!
47. "Simple Man" by Noiseworks
Hopefully this third single from Noisework's second album "Touch" is better than what we've heard from Robert Palmer and yeah, it is but that's mostly because the instrumentation is more organic and sounds really damn good but why is Jon Stevens placed that low in the mix and the lyrics incredibly basic? I get he is just a simple man wanting the touch of another human but I am going to struggle to remember any of this song going forward.
46. "Pop Singer" by John Cougar Mellencamp
So I actually really like John Cougar Mellencamp's brand of heartland rock and I was looking forward to hearing his new single from album "Big Daddy" and yeah, this is a sassy clapback at a music industry that was more interested in burying Mellencamp's identity and turning him into their ideal pop singer and that he realized he couldn't be himself with all the deals that were being made. The song is definitely catchy and sounds great even if it does sound like somewhat of a detour from Mellencamp's usual sound even if it makes sense for this sort of song. Check it out.
44. "Satisfied" by Richard Marx
Brand new single from Richard Marx coming from his album "Repeat Offender" and oh wow...this sounds as dated to 1985 or 1986 in the production, sure that hint of guitar on the end of the hook sounds nice but dear god, this song could have used some genuine rock energy and some fire in the belly because yeah this ain't doing it for me especially if Marx isn't going to stop until he is satisfied. Sadly he'll be waiting awhile to satisfy me.
40. "I'll Be There For You" by Bon Jovi
Sigh...I miss the Bon Jovi that made songs like "Livin' On a Prayer" and "Bad Medicine" because this third single from "New Jersey is the corniest simp song I have ever heard. You'll be the air she breathes for her? Did nobody realize how desperate and pandering that sounds or that you might actually be smothering her with unwanted affection? This isn't good either...NEXT!
34. "Patience" by Guns 'n' Roses.
Okay so we wind up a pretty rough week with a single from Guns 'n' Roses which comes from the album "G N' R Lies" and much to my surprise, it's a gentle acoustic guitar ballad and features. Axl Rose whistling and not yetlling for once, he actually sounds great in this vocal timbre and it kind of makes sense when the song is about a relationship that's on the brink of falling apart and how he and this woman need a little time and patience to sort things out. I needed Guns 'N' Roses to come through with a good song and they have...check this song out.
Of course, "Patience" is the best of the week ahead of John Cougar Mellencamp's "Pop Singer". As for the worst of the week, monogenre clusterfuck v simp anthem, I think I'll give it to the monogenre clusterfuck that is "Changed His Ways" by Robert Palmer.
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