Saturday 11 September 2021

ARIA Singles Top Ten/Chart Review. 13th September. Certified Drake Boy, Don't Shut Me Down!

Last week was the week of Kanye. This week is the week of Drake and his new album "Certified Lover Boy" slamming into the ARIA singles chart with twenty songs from the album which according to ARIA is a record...just unfortunate that "Certified Lover Boy (or if you wanting be snarky "Certified Streaming Bait") doesn't rise beyond being anything but an insult to ambient background noise apart from moments when Drake decides to faceplant into complete cringe on the album (it happened a fair bit) and given we're out of the realm of album bombs with Lil Nas X likely to get one in a couple weeks time thanks to the release of "Montero", things aren't going to settle down any time soon.

Anyway let's get to the top ten because for yet another week, it's "Stay' by The Kid Laroi feat. Justin Bieber at number one, it's still strong on streaming which is why it held onto the number one spot but those margins are narrowing and there's some signs that streaming could be done with this song.

We then get to the first signs of the Drake album bomb because debuting at number two is "Girls Like Girls" by Drake featuring Lil Baby, now this a single apparently as it's gone to radio but I have questions about how memorable the song is...we'll get to why later.

Then it's "Fair Trade" by Drake feat. Travis Scott at number three because like "Girls Want Girls" it had strong streaming but that's about it... pretty sure it charted this high because name recognition alone...

Then there's Ed Sheeran's "Bad Habits" which slipped two places to number four but in stark contrast to everything that isn't Drake this week, it's pretty stable and should rebound.

It's also the case for "Cold Heart (PNAU Remix)" by Elton John and Dua Lipa down two to number five, it's stable and will rebound next week,


Then we get to more Drake because "Champagne Poetry" lands at number six while the other song being pushed as a single "Way 2 Sexy" by Drake feat. Future and Young Thug debuting at number seven.

Concluding the depressing amount of Drake in the top ten is "Papi's Home" at number 8. 

"Hurricane" by Kanye West feat. Lil Baby and The Weeknd slipped five places to number nine (interestingly, if the Drake album bomb didn't happen, it would have remained at number four) 

Finally 'Heat Waves" by Glass Animals remains at number ten for this week.

I regret not doing this last week with the Kanye album bomb but I thought it would be interesting to go through what the top ten would look like if the Drake album bomb didn't happen:

10. "Kiss Me More" by Doja Cat feat. SZA

9. "Happier Than Ever" by Billie Eilish

8. "Beggin" by Maneskin

7. "Good 4 U" by Olivia Rodrigo

6. "Industry Baby" by Lil Nas X feat. Jack Harlow

5. "Heat Waves" by Glass Animals

4. "Hurricane" by Kanye West feat. Lil Baby and The Weeknd

3. "Cold Heart (PNAU remix)" by Elton John and Dua Lipa

2. "Bad Habits" by Ed Sheeran

1. "Stay" by The Kid Laroi and Justin Bieber


Gains

There were no gains this week.


Re Entries

"Drivers License" by Olivia Rodrigo returned at number 48 in the only return to the chart this week

Losers

Folks, anything that wasn't Drake took hard falls this week, let's start with the hits taken by the previous week's album from Kanye West that somehow remained on the chart with "Moon" falling 28 to 43, "Off the Grid" fell 17 places to 26 and  "Jail" got locked up down 19 spots to 24.

As for the rest of our losers, "Traitor" by Olivia Rodrigo fell ten to 50 while "Good 4 U" slumped seven to 15. "Little Bit of Love" by Tom Grennan tumbled 13 places to 49. "Take My Breath" by The Weeknd fell 12 to 47 while "Save Your Tears" also by The Weeknd. 

"Missing Piece" by Vance Joy plunged 17 places to 45 while "Without You" by Miley Cyrus feat. The Kid Laroi fell 12 to 44.

"I Guess I'm In Love" by Clinton Kane stumbled nine to 42 (this looks like it may have some traction going forward which is interesting). "2055" by Sleepy Hallow collapsed 10 places to 35 while "Dreams" by Jolyon Petch got hit with a 14 place fall to 34. "Montero (Call Me By Your Name)" by Lil Nas X slipped nine to 32 (It and "Industry Baby" will rebund hard when Lil Nas X gives birth to his album "Montero" on 17th September) while "Visiting Hours" by Ed Sheeran stumbled 15 to 31.

"Levitating" by Dua Lipa slipped seven to 25 while "Need to Know" by Doja Cat slumped ten places to 22.while "Kiss Me More" by Doja Cat feat SZA down seven to 21. "Happier Than Ever" by Billie Eilish down nine to 20 while "Beggin'" by Maneskin crashed ten places to 17.


Drop Outs

So we lost a large majority of the Kanye album cuts but also leaving but will likely all be back in the next few weeks are "Leave Before You Love Me" by Marshmello feat. Jonas Brothers "I Wanna Be Your Slave" by Maneskin, "Astronaut In the Ocean" by Masked Wolf (he dropped an album yesterday so this song will definitely return), "Rumors" by Lizzo feat. Cardi B, "Peaches" by Justin Bieber feat. Daniel Caesar and Giveon, "Get Into It (Yuh)" by Doja Cat and "Friday" by Riton and Nightcrawlers feat. Mufasa and Hyperman.

The only non Kanye drop out that I expect won't return is "Butter" by BTS.


New Entries

Alright, you all know my album bomb rules, these are all the Drake songs that debuted this week that I won't be giving a review to: "Way 2 Sexy" feat. Future and Young Thug at number 7, "Papi's Home" at number 8, "Love All" feat. Jay Z at number 12. "Knife Talk' feat. 21 Savage and Project Talk at number 13, "In the Bible" feat. Lil Durk and Giveon at number 14, "TSU" lands at 16, "No Friends in the Industry" at 18, "N 2 Deep" feat. Future at 19,  "Pipe Down"  at 23, "7am on the Bridle Path" at 28, "Race My Mind" at 29, "IMY2" feat. Kid Cudi at 33, "Fountains" feat. Tems at 36, "Yebba's Heartbreak" feat. Yebba at 38, "You Only Live Twice" feat. Lil Wayne and Rick Ross at 40, "Get Along Better" feat. Ty Dolla $ign and finally..."Fucking Fans" at 46.

So that leaves us with just five new entries (I'll be keeping the Drake reviews brief) and mercifully we get a brief reprieve from Drake because we start off with...


39. "I Still Have Faith in You" by ABBA

I cannot lie, this is probably the best moment I've had since I created this blog, I never thought I'd have the opportunity to talk about NEW MUSIC from ABBA of all groups...its honestly really just awesome even if it sucks that neither song hit the top ten and wouldn't have hit the top ten even if "Certified Lover Boy" wasn't a thing on the chart this week, this song would have debuted around 22 or 23 but it's even more awesome that the new songs are really good too!. "I Still Have Faith In You" is pretty much a great fit to where they left off n their previous studio album with it's pianos and gospel swell. Agnetha and Frida sound absolutely incredible for their age as they reassure that friend that they will keep the faith and the production just sounds so warm and comforting here. This is really good.


27. "Don't Shut Me Down" by ABBA

So not surprisingly the more pop leaning cut of the two new ABBA songs fared a bit better and would have debuted in the top twenty if not for bloody Drake and again, I can't fault this because this just a gorgeous pop song that opens slow with the description of a scene in a park and lytics about forgiveness and not shutting each other down, its actually weird to hear a pop song that isn't completely washed out sounding and the fact the harmonies on this song from the members of ABBA put most modern acts to shame, Definitely a great song and one I hope becomes a hit. Check this out, its well worth it unlike what we're about to dig into...


6. "Champagne Poetry" by Drake

The most interesting part of this song is that awful sample of "Michelle" by The Beatles which is flattened to where Sir Paul McCartne sounds like a god damn chipmunk as Drake rambles through a series of things including his son, recent events like the Black Lives Matter protests etc, his business dealings with OVO. and his issues with the media coverage of him...yet I'm struggling to care because Drake raps about all this with the enthusiasm of somebody who needs the sound of having passion explained to him. NEXT


3. "Fair Trade" by Drake feat. Travis Scott

So I am guessing this debuted so high because of the Travis Scott feature because this track is an absolute MESS. Drake complains about fake friends and declares he is going to cut those fake friends out of his life but it seems like Travis Scott didn't get the memo because he is off talking about women. men and cars over a sample from a song by Charlotte Day Wilson. I'll be skipping this.


2. "Girls Want Girls" by Drake feat. Lil Baby

So there's only one reason why this song charted so high or will even stick around is because of one line from Drake where he says "Yeah, say that you a lesbian, girl, me too" on the hook and that really just ends any other interest in the song because of the total what the hell line from Drake. Lil Baby is really better than he needs to be on this waste of space of a song which is amplified by the dreary trap beat that doesn't do anything to help either rapper.


That ends the week, neither are a contest this week with ABBA taking best of the week for "Don't Shut Me Down". As for the worst "Fair Trade" by Drake feat. Travis Scott takes the worst of the week.

Next week? Hopefully most of the Drake disappears. Likely new Ed Sheeran and possibly Troye Sivan but we'll see when the chart updates on Friday






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