So outside the mainstream, it's been a pretty good year for music, there's been a lot of great stuff across all kinds of genres but like most years there has been some absolute steaming junk and there was enough rotting fleshy garbage to justify making this list although unlike my best or worst hits list, this won't be ranked...it's just a list...
Let's begin with something of an easy target now shall we?
"Cowgirl" by Parmalee.
Look, the reason I am starting with this song is that I think by hoing into these guys feels a bit like punching down especially when they are just lifers on Music Row in Nashville but I'm sorry I cannot forgive this song in any concievable way. This is just terrible song writing where it's just the usual cliches about meeting this girl at a bar who sipping a beer and singing along to "Last Night" by Morgan Wallen (Why that song and not something that's actually COUNTRY...I don't know) and then what tipped this song into outright garbage was "I follow her curves like a back road"...who do Parmalee think they are? Sam Hunt, her curves like a back road line was horrific when Hunt did it in 2017, it's uncalled for in 2025!
Throw in the stiff drum machines, Parmalee sounding like they would rather be doing anything else than singing this sledgehammer of a song and you have possibly one of the more awful cuts to come out of Music Row in the last year...well not quite because...
"Miami" by Morgan Wallen
Geezus fucking christ "Miami, My Amy" is a country classic from Keith Whitley and to hear Morgan Wallen turn this song into shlock about how he misses Tennessee while he is in Miami all because it was warmer in Florida than in Tennessee chasing this woman...bitch please.
He asks on the hook "what the hell is a redneck gon' do in Miami"...maybe go back to fucking Tennessee if you are so completely miserable. Then to add to the actual offense to Keith Whitley, Wallen brings in Lil Wayne (we'll get to him...he had an AWFUL year) and Rick Ross for a remix where like Lil Wayne complains that he hate so much shrimp he got iodine poisoning and brags he is like Will Smith in Miami (that is NOT a good flex) and while Rick Ross's verse is actually pretty good, one verse doesn't make a good song. I'll leave it there because there is going to be more Morgan Wallen on my worst hit songs list to come in January.
Speaking of Lil Wayne...
"Island Holiday" by Lil Wayne
Let's get this out of the way, "Tha Carter VI" was a terrible album from front to back and this song was one of the leading reasons why with the lazy sampling of Weezer's "Island in the Sun" and Lil Wayne declares that every day is a holiday and he wants Weezer on this song...this song? You mean the song where you sound like you are just phoning it in, Wayne? I'd almost rather Rivers Cuomo discuss doing "Sober Up Part 2" with god damn . rather than this embarrassment of a song where you claim you are standing on business like Bigfoot while on holiday?
Yeah no...this is rubbish and Weezer's "Island in the Sun" deserves so much better.
So I mentioned Morgan Wallen would be on my worst hit songs list for 2025 if anything from "I'm The Problem" makes the year end, here's another artist who will absolutely make that same list....
"Touch Me Like A Gangster" by Jessie Murph.
I had a hard time picking what song from "Sex Hysteria' to choose for this list, "Sex Hysteria" is one of the worst lbums of the year and Jessie Murph is one of the worst vocallists working n mainstream music in 2025 with this song being representative of everything that is wrong with "Sex Hysteria" so let's run through the problems with this song:
1. She wants rough, dirty sex yet the production cannot lend any atomosphere or imply any kind of sexual tension.
2. Murph herself flicks between mimicking other pop acts before belting like she is bloody Daffy Duck on steroids. "Duck season" anyone?
3. Murph cannot sell the intensity that rough sex brings with it, there's no anticipation or real edge to the song that would make me believe that she enjoys some bloke pulling her hair while fucking her.
4. The writing makes E.L James "50 Shades of Grey" written superbly. Geezus christ.
Taylor, you might be the biggest popstar in the world right now but not even that excuses you for this...
"Cancelled" by Taylor Swift
There is nothing more deflating when a big popstar like Taylor Swift releases what at best is some of the worst music of her career and this song should have been scrapped at the writing desk not recorded and put on "The Life of a Showgirl" because my god, Taylor's writing is so far from her best here that it's not even remotely funny and made even worse by Taylor sounding childish as hell matching lyrics like "Did you girlboss too close to the sun" and on the hook "Good thing I like my friends cancelled". This song doesn't even have the sense to be a propulsive rock song which makes this song a complete waste of time.
Bring back Jack Antonoff and do it fast, Taylor because this shit doesn't work for you and take a long break before releasing another album because this comes across as you needing a break.
"I Wanna Dance with Somebody (Who Loves Me)" by Calum Scott and Whitney Houston
Here we have it, folks, "Dancing on My Own" part 2! Yes, Calum Scott did the exact same thing to Whitney Houston's 80s classic "I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)" as he did to Robyn's "Dancing on My Own" and turned it into a bland piano ballad and even more disrespectfully included Whitney Houston who is dead on the song and I just know she'd be fucking appalled by this if she were alive. "I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)" is a staple of 80s pop and for Scott to turn it into mealy mouthed mush makes me fucking sick.
"Meet Your Padre" by PartyNextDoor and Drake feat. Chino Pacas
No, we do not need Drake to be meeting anyone's madre or paying respects to their padre if he is going to use Spanish has really bad garnish and this one just feels fucking gross. As one Twitch streamer said "Kendrick made this guy (Drake) switch languages" and he ended up embarrassing himself all over again.
That wraps this list up. Best hit songs of 2024 coming soon along with the best and worst hit songs of 1994 plus the regular 2025 ARIA single chart.
No comments:
Post a Comment