So this week shocked me, we had some wild things happen in the top ten and we have a rather "eclectic" mix of new entries at hand however let's dive into the top ten because we have a brand new number one coming somewhat out of nowhere because I thought this song had peaked instead rising two places to the top spot is "All I Wanna Do" by Sheryl Crow, it got there thanks to sales doing really well.
It got there just ahead of "Zombie" by The Cranberries which is positioning itself to be the next song to potentially take the number one up three spots to number two.
All of this pushed previous chart topper "Tomorrow" by Silverchair back two spots to number three while "Always" by Bon Jovi also fell back two to number four.
A new entry enters at number five courtesy of Tom Jones with 'If I Only Knew", we'll talk more about this song later.
Speaking of talking about something later, Boyz II Men also make an appearance in the new entries however their former number one "I'll Make Love To You" remains at number six.
The biggest victim of all the drama at the top was "Chains" by Tina Arena which slid three spots back to number seven, this song definitely peaked last week.
The second of our two new entries in the top ten is "Short Dick Man" by 20 Fingers feat. Gillette at number eight, again we'll talk about the (questionable) quality of this song later.
Rising two spots to reach the top ten at number nine is "Turn the Beat Around" by Gloria Estefan while The Offspring round out the top ten down two to number te ton and that song's time in the top ten seems to be coming to a close.
Losers
It might be good night for "Goodnight Girl '94" by Wet Wet Wet on the charts as it tumbled nine to fifty this week.
A bunch of former top ten hits are also making their way out like "Can You Feel The Love Tonight" by Elton John slipping eight to forty six, "7 Seconds" by Youssou N'Doour and Neneh Cherry sliding twelve to forty five, "Rockin For Myself" by Motiv 8 feat. Angie Brown down twelve to forty two, "Swamp Thing" by The Grid collapsed eight to thirty six,"Endless Love" by Luther Vandross and Mariah Carey slumped ten spots to twenty five and "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails tumbling out of the top ten to twenty one (I am shocked it stuck around in the top ten that long if I am going to be bluntly honest)
"Yesterday, When I Was Mad" by Pet Shop Boys slumped from twenty nine to forty four. "Sure" by Take That lost it's sure footing on the chart down eight to thirty nine.
"All Come Together" by Diesel slumped from twenty six to thirty four while "Confide In Me" by Kylie Minogue is slipping away gracefully down ten to number thirty and Jaki Grahm's pretty damn good cover of "Ain't Nobody" slipped seven to thirty two.
"I Love the Nightlife" by Alicia Bridges is clearly done enjoying the chartlife as it tumbled nine places to twenty four.
Gains
As for the gains...well we are in that time of year so of course "All I Want for Christmas is You" by Mariah Carey is up eleven spots to number twelve but Christmas doesn't excuse "Baby, Come Back" by Pato Banton feat. Ali and Robin Campbell climbing eleven spots to twenry nine.
I guess I'll tolerate "Dead Eyes Opened" bv Severed Heads up twelve spots to thirty seven but it's pretty bleak if thats the only gain I vaguely like.
New Entries
Six new entries this week beginning with...
48. “Here Come the Hotstepper” by Ini Kamooze
We're starting a pretty weird line up here with a Jamaican reggae singer who began performing in the early 90s with this being his debut on the ARIA singles chart. Now this song has all kinds of samples in it with "The Champ" by The Mohaws, "Hot Pants" by Bobby Byrd ad "La Di Da Di" by Doug E Fresh and Slick Rick. As for what I think of the song? I like it! It's got this summery vibe that fits very well for this time of year and Ini Kamooze sells the whole insanity given 'hotstepper' is a man ion the run from the law in Jamaican patois. Yeah, good song. I dig it!
31. “Better Get a Lawyer” by The Cruel Sea
We move onto the first of two Australian acts up for review this week and somehow oddly appropriate given what I mentioned about man running away from the law on "Here Comes the Hotstepper"! Anyway rhis song comes from The Cruel Sea's fourth studio album Three Legged Dog.
The content is probably more interesting than the instrumention here which does feel a bit by the numbers with a decent guitar chord progression and Tex Perkins tells the story of getting in trouble with the law even though he hadn't done anything wrong with the ook being from the police officer telling him to get a lawyer and the lawyer he gets had better be a good one. I don't know...the hook is pretty damn memorable but I think The Cruel Sea have done better than this...just saying.
22. “On Bended Knee” by Boyz II Men
Another pianao drenched love ballad from Boyz II Men where he is throwing himself at this woman's feet begging her to give him one more chance even though he has let her down and I have to say this is the most over dramatic tantrum sounding chorus I've ever heard, he vows he will never walk again until she comes back to him and I suppose forgives him for everything she did wrong.
Oh god, there's even a spoken word passage begging her to return and no...in most cases if this sort of theatrics is what this guy is carrying on with, it's time for her to move on and speaking of moving on...lets do it ourselves before I actually vomit in disgust.
17. “Put Yourself in My Place” by Kylie Minogue
Oh thank goodness for Kylie...maybe she can get everything back on track with this song being released as the second single from her self titled album and yeah, no shock that Kylie herself vocally is the highlight of this song, she sounds incredible and that's helped by the mix allowing her and the instrumentation to breathe and better support Kylie.
As for the content, it's a song where she's dealing with the sudden end of a relationship and is begging her ex to put himself in her shoes for a change so he can empathise with what she is feeling over the end of the relationship...the song certainly deals with relationship drama than that Boyz II Men song that we mentioned a moment ago. Great song!
8. “Short Dick Man” by 20 Fingers feat. Gillette
Oh wow. We have found the most insipid and incredibly juvenile song of 1994...congratu-fucking-lations 20 Fingers and Gillette for releasing this god awful piece of song that pretty much is an ode to mocking a man who is unfortunate enough to have a small manhood. The song even uses a part of "Tweeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini" to mock this poor man over the laziest beat available. Absolute garbage, Get this garbage off the charts, it doesn't belong here and everyone involved with this needs to grow the fuck up!
5. “If I Only Knew” by Tom Jones
Thank goodness we're not ending it off on "Short Dick Man" but rather veteran and legend Welsh singer Tom Jones and I got to be honest I was not really expecting much with this song other than it to be carried on the charisma of Jones himself like a lot of his material has over the years so colour me shocked that this song has one HELL of a killer groove and Jones as per usual sounds absolutely phenomenal...also helps when Jones screams "YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" at the beginning of the song...real attention grabber.
The content of the song is pretty much Tom wondering what he has to do to know to get this woman to love him and break down the wall that's between them which to a degree feels somewhat icky but that hook is outrageously sticky so yeah...I dig this.
However it's not best of the week, that's goign to "Put Yourself in My Place" by Kylie Minogue. As for the worst of the week...it's not a competition, I've never been more disgusted listening to a song than "Short Dick Man" by 20 Fingers feat. Gillette so that's running away with the honour of being the absolute worst song of the week.
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