There have been a lot of very different opinions on how 2024 was for the popular music landscape, many are saying that 2024 was one of the best years for pop music in the 2020s so far which I do get if you enjoyed the break throughs of Sabrina Carpenter, Chappell Roan and Gracie Abrams or the "rap beef of the decade" between Kendrick Lamar and Drake while others pointed out that many of the hits from the breakthrough artists were at best mediocre and many of the songs that became big were absolutely awful.
For me though in terms of the hits, 2024 was decent...not great...I did manage find more songs for my best list than I did for my worst list so that was a win but the best stuff doesn't quite hit the same note as the best of 2021 or even 2022 however we are not dealing with the best today, we are dealing with the rotten garbage that has been allowed to fester in some cases on the charts for way too long.
But before we get to all of that, lets go through the rules.
1. A song can appear on this list if it debuted on the 2024 ARIA top 100 singles year end or it's peak was higher on the 2024 year end than in 2023
2. A song will not appear on this list if I didn't review it during the year eg: if you are wondering why "Carnival" by Kanye West and Ty Dolla $ign is not on the list proper. I feel like even giving this amount of attention to a clown like Kanye is not not worth it so why bother putting him on the list proper when it's just more worthwhile doing what I have done since the song was released in February in ignoring it's unwelcome existence.
3. This is my list so my opinion. Music is subjective so try not to get too mad over these picks.
4. This is going to be just a top ten list. No dishonourable/honourable mentions this year given I've only got a small list of songs to choose from for these lists. Thanks for tbat ARIA.
Alright, now that's out of the way...let's jump into this dumpster of rotting brain worms and start with...
Number Ten
You know...I came to not mind a lot of Sabrina Carpenter's hits this year, she has something of a personality which is more than can be said for a few other wannabe main stream pop girls right now that I tried to get this song of hers to grow on me but I'm sorry...this one just does not satisfy me in any shape or form.
"Espresso" by Sabrina Carpenter
Alright, I get it, this one is an out of nowhere pick for a worst list considering that it does seem like most people like it however "Espresso" is one of those songs that no matter how hard I try to like, it just gives me a whole load of slightly less than frothy nothing with none of the energy boost that caffeine is supposed to provide you with and that is frustrating because you can tell Sabrina wants it to be this frothy song about this guy she has wrapped around her finger snd the hook just sounds like somebody grinding their treeth to me which is not a pleasant sound to my ear.
This song is just cringe overall and while I get while people like it, I think I'll be staying away from it for good.
Number Nine
Sigh...you know when I said "wannabe main pop girls"?. Let's get an easy target out of the way.
"That's So True" by Gracie Abrams
So I am going to say right off the bat that the least impressive of the break out female pop acts in 2024 was Gracie Abrams who got her big break through like Sabrina touring with Taylor Swift on the Eras Tour, her weirdly cloying song writing that felt very early Taylor Swift did nothing for me generally and this song soured me on her hard, there's just something infuriating where she sings in the most juvenile way possible "You're an idiot, now I'm sure of it", she sounds like a five year old chanting "I'm rubber, your glue, whatever bounces off me sticks to you" in the nost agonising and painful way imaginable and it makes listening to this song quite the aggravating experience.
Throw in that weurd ass hook and yeah...I am done with absolute nightmare of a song.
Number Eight
I'd really love for soul music to make a return to the charts in some way...turns out in 2024...it kind of it did...too bad it sucked.
"Lose Control" by Teddy Swims
I am going to keep this short, Teddy Swims has a couple of songs like "The Door" and "Bad Dreams" that I actually really damn like and think are close to great, especially "The Door", but the fact that "Lose Control" which for a song about a man losing control when the woman he loves is not with him is stiffer than cardboard or a freshly ironed shirt should be considered criminal especially for this brand of pop soul that Teddy Swims is going for here and when the second verse sounds like Swims is trying to impersonate Post Malone...yeah, that's when I stopped caring...next!
Number Seven
So we're going hip hop for the next couple of songs and this one is probably one that people could make justified arguments for this being higher on the list but regardless, it wouldn't be here if it didn't belong on a list like this and thus...
"Lovin' On Me" by Jack Harlow
I fear Jack Harlow hit his peak on his feature on Lil Nas X's "Industry Baby" because his output since that song has been embarrassingly mediocre to awful and this song might be one of Harlow's worst efforts to date with his efforts to compare himself to Rico Suave and that how he is kinky in bed but doesn't like whips and chains, he choke her but of course he ain't no killer, lyrically this song is just a walking bucket of cringe with some sloppy and lethargic production to boot. In short this song is gross. now let's move the fuck on before I fucking throw up.
Number Six
If you want a song that sounds like complete diarrhea than it's a fine time to introduce you all to...
"Fein" by Travis Scott and Playboi Caeti.
Another one, I'll keep short and sweet because what is there to say about a song that just sounds like a complete nightmare especially when you have Travis Scott repeating "Fein" across the song like its going out of fashion or something while simultaneously sounding like a dog's squeaky toy. Playboi Carti proves himself to be as useless as usual which could also be said about the limp beat that sounds cheap as cordial cans at a return and earn! Throw in the usual pathetic bars about women and you have one of the most bog standard, boring and crappy mainstream rap songs in modern memory.
Number Five
So this was the biggest hit by Australian artist in 2024...shame it sucks!
"Stumblin' In" by Cyril
This song being as big as it was is the biggest screaming indictment on the Australilan music scene in the 2020s after all this is just taking a classic 70s love song by Suzi Quatro and Chris Norman, stripping out the old instrumnental and replacing it with a crappy new instrumental that added this weird sterile texture rather than anything that feels lived in or like there is anything resembling live while the production makes Chris Norman sound rough, like he is singing his verse half asleep. This isn't Cyril's worst effort in 2024, his version of Crowded House's "Fall At Your Feet" feat Dean Lewis would have been a contender for number one on this list had it been a hit.
Number Four
2024 was this next guy's year, after all he had the biggest song of the year (we'll get to that song) which enabled him to release this crooning atrocity and thus...
"Slow It Down" by Benson Boone.
There are worse songs on Benson Boone's atrocity of an album namely "Cry" and a certain other song but dear god does this one deserve to be here with Boone switching his vocals between this odd crooning to somewhere near scteeching throughout the song, it just sounds painful to the point where I'm checking my hearing is still in tack during the song. It's just a thoroughly painful song to have to listen to to the point it's not good as a laid back chill song or does really get anyone moving to the dancefloor so its fucking useless...NEXT!
Number Three
This one feels like I am punching down on a legend of hip hop. Em, you are so much better than this.
"Houdini" by Eminem
This is the song that convinced me that Eminem needs to consider the idea that he might be done because this song is just not it, grabbing up chunks of 1982 hit "Abracadabra" by the Steve Miller Bamd (a song that I cannot stand and apparently plenty of Steve Miller Band fans hate it as well) while Eminem makes some painfully lame jokes about drugs and collaborating with Megan Thee Stallion (I think Megan has better things to do with her time to be fair here, Em) and complain about cancel culture, you'd honestly think he was a Donald Trump fan if you didn't know any better. This song is embarrassing. Let's stick to "Without Me" the song referenced at the beginning of this shitpile of a song because it's the length of the M1 motorway better than this.
Number Two
I spent a chunk of my 2023 list talking about this guy, his big hit song "Last Night" topped that list but this year he is just falling short but oh dear god, it was close...
"Thinkin' About Me" by Morgan Wallen
I've really run out of things to say about the music of Morgan Wallen's music, the production is often drippy and more often than not the writing comes across as projecting and doing little more than upholding something of a victim complex which is a perfect place to start when describing this disastrous dipshit of a song.
Seriously, the lyrics in this song would make milk curdle and go sour all on it's own without anyone leaving it out in the sun or hitting the fucking expiry date. Wallen is obsessed with this girl who has presumably moved on from him to be with another guy but Wallen is still chasing her even though he claims the relationship turned bad and now he is projecting asking if she's obsessed with him like he is her and I make that assumption because the lyrics make it increidbly easy to see that Wallen is the obsessed one...like dude, she's done with your ass, move the fuck on and get over her.
All that over this drippy, miserable sounding mix and Wallen's nasal drone sounding possibly worse than it did on "Last Night", the only reason it's not number one is because none of it feels like a complete violation of my ear drums.
Number One
On the other hand, THIS is what complete and utter violation of the ear drums sounds like.
"Beautiful Things" by Benson Boone.
It's an indictment on the charts that this song was allowed to go to number one for as long as it did and hung around like somebody hasn't washed a pair of particularly egregious smelling underpants. Every time I hear that opening guitar line and Bennson Boone start crooning, I roll my eyes so hard that I have to make sure my eyes don't fall out of my head because dear god, the lyrics on this song are just....really? He has met a young woman that his parents like, his mental health is doing better and life is looking up for him but than he dips into religious pandering by claiming he believes that God will take this girl and everything that is good in his life away...like seriously? The only one who can throw anything good in your lfie away is YOU making bad choices. The lyrics read like a really clingy Jason Mraz song.
It's then we must get into the other part of the equation as to why this song is at the top spot on the worst list because religious pandering wasn't quite enough to push this song to the top on it's own, it's the ear drum violations that are Benson Boone's vocals on the hook where it splits the line between shrieking and insanity and underscore just how utterly asinine this song is where he throws himself at this higher power begging them not take his "beautiful things" away (Okay, I absolutely abject to calling a woman a thing by the way) in the most dramatic and cartoonish way possible like his Sylvester throwing a tantrum because Tweety won't make it easy for him to catch him after five hundred failed attempts and it's just obnoxious.
Throw in the "WAAAAHHHH AHHH OOOHH OH OH" and you have a song that really rams home feeling like your ears have been utterly violated and some higher power is going to reek vengenance on all of us because of this song, although maybe the release of this song is the karma we got...ugh.
Anyway "Beautiful Things" by Benson Boone is the worst hit song of 2024.
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