Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 1996

Let’s flip the script a bit and talk about the best songs of 1996, okay? Now, this year despite some of the awful I already talked about, was a really good year, a sign of that was I had to make some really painful cuts to get to this list of ten songs and I will warn ya all now that there will be picks you disagree with, this is just my personal opinion of the music in 1996.

As per usual, the songs had to be on the year end list for 1996 and these are just my picks, feel free to share your thoughts on 1996 in popular music and share your top ten songs of the year.

First up we get to the one Australian act on this list, in a year where boy bands started coming out of the woodwork to appear on the charts, an Aussie act got to me the most with this…

10. “Wishes” by Human Nature

This is not my favourite Human Nature song; they would have better results in 1998 but there’s still plenty to like here with this piano ballad where Human Nature realize they have done wrong by the ladies in their lives and are desperately hoping that she’ll forgive them, there’s a genuine raw contrition to this song that makes it work so damn well for me in the lyrics. I just love the harmonies and the music that fit the energy of the song for once unlike many songs from this 2019 which I will talk about once ARIA release the year end list.

Damn great song that deserved to be a top ten hit in 1996. Looking forward to an opportunity to talk about at least one other Human Nature song from 1998 down the track.




Here’s one of the more contentious picks, this was a UK girl group that exploded onto the pop music scene late this year courtesy of Simon Fuller. Five rather brash young women and this song was our introduction to them…

9. “Wannabe” by Spice Girls

I get it, the song doesn’t make any sense whatsoever but “Wannabe” is an incredibly catchy Eurodance pop rap song that doesn’t hide behind it’s no bullshit are you on board with us or not ideal and boy don’t the personalities shine through with Melanie Brown whose loud and somewhat wild/scary (even though I doubt Mel has a scary bone in her body) persona plays off well with Geri Halliwell’s also very wild and vivacious delivery which makes the call and response between the pair fun which explodes into Melanie Chisholm, Emma Bunton, Mel B and Geri sharing a line on the opening verse….anyway you get the picture.


This song is in your face, somewhat obnoxious but my god this song is a LOT of fun. The Spice Girls would go on to be the biggest name in pop music until the eventual split in 1999.


8. “Runaway” by The Corrs

Irish family act The Corrs emerged in 1996 and would carve a solid niche for themselves and this solid little debut single found its way into my heart, it’s a sweet song about being alone with that one other special person in your life and hoping he or she feels the same way and wanting to do everything that you can to be with this other person, it’s to a point rather dreamy especially with the music and production which builds into the chorus and again like Human Nature, the harmonies between the sisters are incredible and in a year full of Eurodance pop and the last vestiges of grunge, this song was a pretty unique sound.


Check this song out if you haven’t already.


However, if you are looking for something that vents its anger and frustration then this song maybe up your alley.


7. “Mother Mother” by Tracy Bonham


I’ve always felt this song would be on in the background of the image of the dog sitting at a table saying “Everything is just fine” as his house burns down around him except this song is full of pent up rage and frustration around being an adult in the world having just left home and Bonham is making a call home to let her mother know what is happening and then in the chorus Bonham let’s rip with the chorus ending with her screaming “EVERYTHING’S FINE!”


This song is a perfect frustration venter and I do like The Veronicas cover of this song as well but Tracy Bonham for a short moment in 1996 produced a hit that connected for me and deserves to be on this list.


So this is the first of two country songs on this list and when you consider that in 2019, you’d struggle to find a country song being a hit unless it’s apart of a meme or considered to be country rap but in 1996, this woman was starting out her career and boy, she dropped a beauty…


6. “(If You’re Not In It for Love) I’m Outta Here” by Shania Twain


This song snuck up on me, I didn’t really love it at first and that remix didn’t help things however Shania Twain’s vocals are what makes this song really work and that incredible guitar chuck in that harmonica and this song is a bunch of fun as Shania is busy telling this guy that she isn’t interested in what he has got unless he loves her and if he doesn’t to get the hell out, Shania isn’t going to be used by ANY man, she’s got the attitude to show it.

I just love how insanely fun the song is and the groove is fantastic. Great song. Am so happy this was a hit.


While we’re on love, we’re hitting up some heartbreak for this next song.



5. Give Me One Reason by Tracy Chapman


Tracy Chapman was one of the more unique songwriters in the 90s and this song is just perfect with its chilled guitar driven melody as Chapman begs her partner to give her one good reason that she should stay in the relationship with the last line being the real kicker with the reply appearing to come from the partner “Said I told you that I love you and there ain’t no more to say” but the question of whether Chapman stays or not is never directly answered.

I love Chapman’s soulful delivery and the storytelling on display in this song plus that guitar in the middle 8 of the song is awesome!


My worst hit songs of 1996 came down hard on really bad cover songs but there was one cover that knocked it out of the park in 1996, this song is a classic and there was no god damn way I could leave it off this list.


4. “Killing Me Softly (With His Song)” by Fugees

The Fugees take the originally recorded by Lori Lieberman in 1971 and Roberta Flack’s 1973 classic “Killing Me Softly (With His Song)” and made it their own courtesy of Lauryn Hill’s moving lead vocals and a sample of A Tribe Called Quest’s 90s song called “Bonita Applebum” and even then they’d sampled “Memory Band” by 60s group Rotary Connection.

However, while the music works so well, it’s Lauryn Hill that just elevates this song into something special and makes it all the more powerful and reminds of the power of live performance because Lieberman’s original came out after she saw Don McLean perform a song called “Empty Chairs” at the Troubador Club and wrote a poem about it which spawned this song.

This deserved its long run at number one, it’s a classic for good reason.

Now we hit the second of the two country songs on this list and the placing of this one is contentious given I asked Twitter which one was better, and they placed Shania Twain above it but for me, this song hits just that little bit harder and is also a cover…


3. “Blue” by LeAnn Rimes


Leann Rimes was one of the most exciting young talents in country music in 1996 before she’d go on to making tepid pop music later but “Blue” is a shining example of what Rimes was capable of. She was 11 years old when she first recorded “Blue” a song originally released by song writer-country artist and country radio DJ Bill Mack.

“Blue” takes a lonely man’s feelings of heartache and loss, he wonders why his lover doesn’t seem feel sad or lonely over him like he does only to find that his lover had been whispering lies in his ear, it’s a total punch to the stomach and one that Leann Rimes captures so remarkably well at the age of just 13 at the time (really for a 13 year old, she had a quite the incredible voice) and pair her voice with that guitar, it just makes for that perfect country song, it’s actually one of my favourite country songs ever quite honestly.


So yeah the next two songs are songs that getr me emotionally, this first one especially hits close to home.


2. “Nobody Knows by Tony Rich Project

Yeah I am not sure how much I can talk about this song especially as when I hear it, I tear up, “Nobody Knows” is a ballad about lost love and Tony Rich knowing deep down inside that he is missing this girl but can’t bring himself to talk about it with other people in the most immediate days after she’s gone, he is realizing all the things he never got to say to her before she left, the song is just raw and heartbreaking.

I won’t go into why it cuts so deep for me but yeah this held some emotional weight for me and you know what, I feel Tony’s pathos too. Great song and for a while would have topped this list but…

So when I set out to make this list, I was certain that “Nobody Knows” was going to top it until I heard this song and realized it was the right pick for number one for a lot of reasons and that song is…

1. “Change the World’ by Eric Clapton

Yeah, I couldn’t let this song not top and this isn’t the best Eric Clapton song, “Tears in Heaven” would probably top my 1992 best hit songs list if I was doing that but this is so damn good. Originally recorded by country artist Wynonna Judd in the early part of 1996 which is slightly more groove driven than Clapton’s but man, I couldn’t ignore the passionate delivery by Clapton on his version of the song, it genuinely sounds lovestruck in both the instrumentation and the lyrics where Clapton is communicating his feelings to this girl but is scared that the feelings won’t be reciprocated and therefore his love will go unrequited if things in his life don’t change.

It’s yet again another raw honest gut punch of a song that yeah I had to put on top of this list.


So that wraps up 1996, if you want to share your top ten favourite hit songs from 1996, feel free to comment.

To here these songs, I have put together a playlist of all ten to check out





Coming up just an ARIA singles top ten this week, no chart review as most of the chart is just Christmas music, Will have 2019 year end worst and best hits lists whenever ARIA decide to put out the year end chart. This week we turn to the first year of the new millennium...2000 and see what chaos reigned on the charts during that year. See ya soon/

ARIA Singles Chart top ten/ Chart Review: 23rd December. Harry's Mini Fine Line album bomb

So my intention is to breeze through this pretty quickly because honestly I do want to get back to work on my Best hit songs of 1996 list as this week really wasn't that interesting but I guess it's good enough before all the Christmas songs inevitably swamp the chart next week.
For a 21st week, it's "Dance Monkey" by Tones and I at number one, it's a bit of a dicey battle as to whether it will get a 22nd week at number one especially as Mariah's streaming numbers are strong.

"Don't Start Now" by Dua Lipa holds on to number two. I really would like to see this song be the next number one song but its been swallowed up by Christmas music on streaming while sales are doing well, I doubt this is going to go number one.

The rest of the top six is pretty much the same with "Roxanne" by Arizona Zervas at number three, "Memories" by Maron 5 at number four (can we fuck this garbage off the charts NOW please), "Circles" by Post Malone at number 5 and "Ride It" by Regard at number six.

Riding the wave off the release of his album "Fine Line", Harry Styles single "Adore You" climbed 7 places to number seven, it pushed "Never Seen the Rain" by Tones and I back to number eight. I don't expect "Adore You" to stick around in the top ten tbh.

Breaking into the top ten is "Blinding Lights" by The Weeknd rising five places to number nine. Excellent news because the song is fucking fantastic

Finally, "All I Want for Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey has finally hit the top ten rising one place to number ten.

Gains

We have a lot of Harry Styles to talk about and he is the leading big gainer this week with "Watermelon Sugar" jumping twenty places to number 12.

"Before You Go" by Lewis Capaldi rose nine places to break into the top 20 at number seventeen because of course we need more dull sappiness on the chart.

Then we have Wham's "Last Christmas" up seven to twenty three and "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas" by Michael Buble rose six places to number thirty two.

Re-Entries

Just the one re-entry with Harry Styles "Lights Up" back at 34

Losers
Taylor Swift's "Lover" hit 50 (this song should still make year end list I hope) while "Old Town Road" by Lil Nas X down to 27 from 18. Those were the only really significant losses this week.

Dropouts

Some significant ones here although they were all returns a few weeks ago with "Shallow" by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper, "Wow" by Post Malone, "How Do you Sleep?" by Sam Smith and "Rans$om" by Lil Tecca gone. All will comfortably make year end chart.

They also took with them "Robbery" by Juice WRLD and "Up All Night" by Khalid,

New Entries

I wish Tik Tok would go the hell away because the highest debuting single belongs to Trevor Daniel's "Falling" at number 14...it's not a good song.

Harry Styles saw two album tracks hit the chart with "Falling" debuting at 35 and "Golden" at number 46

Forgettable at best, terrible at worst is the debut at number 36 which is "My Oh My" by Camila Cabello feat. Dababy..

A massive hit in the UK right now is "Owned it" by Stormzy feat. Ed Sheeran and Burna Boy, it's debuted on the ARIA singles chart at number 40.

Not sure I am going to cover next week's chart as it is likely to be swamped with Christmas music...joy....may just do the top ten and move on. Best hit songs of 1996 is coming soon. Don't forget the ARIA Chart updates at 5pm AEDT on Saturday.

Charting 1996: 22nd December: What is Macarena Christmas doing in the TOP TEN?

So here we are the final chart week of the year before the chart goes into a recess over the Christmas/New Year period ahead of 1997 and for yet another week "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls remains at number one, now this song looks to be losing ground but it's not under any threat from pur returning number two "Where Do You Go?" by No Mercy which is slowly also starting to lose steam especially as it is a close race for number two but it held off "What's Love Got to Do With It" by Warren G feat. Adina Howard which slipped back to number three.

Savage Garden remained steady at number four with "To the Moon and Back", this song is still on track to be a number one hit next year, you watch.

Then we have a surprise at number five, because the "Macarena" won't go the hell away, we have "Macarena Christmas" by Los Del Rio up from thirty seven. Did anyone really want or NEED this in the top ten. Geez.

At number six is Shania Twain's "(If You're Not In it for Love) I'm Outta Here" which is up three places this week. Good. I really like this song and am glad to see it doing well, it helped to push "Breathe" by The Prodigy back two places to number seven (I am surprised it's still in the top ten)

It also had the same effect on "Wishes" by Human Nature which dropped one place to number eight. Again another good song, just a shame it lost ground this week.

Toni Braxton climbs one place to number nine with "Un-Break My Heart", this song looks to be on track to achieving similar success to "You're Makin' Me High";

Finally the big loser is "Don't Stop Movin'' by Livin' Joy which dropped four places to number ten. Good.

Gains
The gains this week outside of "Macarena Christmas" in the top five are mostly new songs set to be hits in 1997 with Whigfield's "Sexy Eyes" up 12 to 38,  "Lemon Tree" by Fool's Garden up to 35 from 47 and Unique II's "Break My Stride" up to 26 from 45 and looks to be the big mover of the week.

The only other big gainer is a case of continued momentum and that came for "Twisted" by Keith Sweat which broke into the top 20 at number 19 this week.

Re-Entries
Two re-entries this week and honestly I am not sure why with the best of them being "You Spin Me Around (Like a Record) ('96 Remix)" by Dead or Alive back at 46 and "Down" by 311 back at 48.

Losers

Former top ten hit "I'll be There For You" by The Remembrandts dropped from 35 to 44 while Tori Amos hit 42 from 34 with "Hey Jupiter/Professional Widow".

However, they weren't the biggest losers this week with "Mama Said" by Metallica dropping hard from 24 to 39. Ouch.

The Symbol (Prince) dropped from 18 to 30 this week with "Betcha by Golly Wow!" while "I Love You Always Forever" by Donna Lewis fell eight places to 20.

New Entry

It's a fairly muted week on the new entry side of things with just one new song entering the top 50 with No Doubt's new single "Don't Speak" in at number 50 and considering how big "Just A Girl" was in 1996, I wouldn't be surprised if this song is huge in 1997

That wraps up the final edition of Charting 1996, don't forget you can check out my top ten worst hit songs of 1996 here. My top ten best hit songs are coming soon as is this week's ARIA Chart top ten/review which should be on here sometime today.

As far as retro chart reviews go? I believe I am going to be covering the year of the Sydney Olympics and the turn of the millennium next year so that is going to be fun!.

ARIA Singles Chart top ten/ Chart Review: 16th December. 2019 hits rise again.

This week is a weird one and it’s mostly weird when we get to our gains and what re-entered the chart this week, we also saw some shifts within the top ten including one shift in the top ten that caught me by surprise.

What wasn’t a surprise is a twentieth week at number one for “Dance Monkey” by Tones and I, I don’t see this song going anywhere as its somehow still ruling sales and streaming.

What was a welcome surprise was Dua Lipa’s “Don’t Start Now” moving to number 2 and becoming Dua’s highest charting hit in Australia as it is pretty consistent on both sales and streaming, sales is what moved it past “Roxanne” by Arizona Zervas at number three which  hasn’t quite had the sales to match it’s consistent streaming.

“Memories” by Maroon 5 regained ground to number four pushing “Circles” by Post Malone back to number five.

“Ride It” by Regard stays steady at number six while “Never Seen the Rain” by Tones and I moved up one place to number seven and “Good as Hell” by Lizzo up to number eight.

“Everything I Wanted” by Billie Eilish drops two places to number nine. Sadly, back for what I hope is a final week in the top ten is “Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi which rose seven places.

Gains

The gains were mostly for 2019 hits that got boosts on the back of people listening to their year end Spotify playlists etc so songs like “Sunflower” by Post Malone and Swae Lee which went from 36 to 21 and “Old Town Road” by Lil Nas X which jumped from 29 to 18, “Senorita” by Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello to 17.

Long running 2018 hit “Eastside” by Benny Blanco feat. Halsey and Khalid jumped from 45 to 34.

Also gaining big was Christmas music with “All I Want For Christmas is You” by Mariah Carey up to 11 and “Last Christmas” by Wham to 30

Re Entries

We have a whole slew of re-entries this week. Juice WRLD’s untimely death saw “Lucid Dreams”  back at 16, “Bandit” feat. Youngboy Never Broke Again at 45, and “Robbery” at 49.

Also back this week were “Ran$om” by Lil Tecca at 42, “Shallow” by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper at 43 and “Wow” by Post Malone at 47.

Losers

Some big losers this week with the biggest being “Lover” by Taylor Swift which fell hard to 39 from 23 unfortunately…it should make the year end list…just.

“Highest in the Room” by Travis Scott slipped to 33 from 21, “Up All Night” by Khalid dropped from 37 to 50. Sadly, “Castles” by Freya Ridings fell from 26 to 35.'

“Trampoline” by Shaed fell ten places to 44 while former US number ones also had big tumbles with “Heartless” by The Weeknd stumbling from 10 to 24, “Lose You to Love me” by Selena Gomez hit 25 proving how forgettable that song is.

Finally, ‘Rushing Back” by Flume feat. Vera Blue hit 29 down from 18.

Dropouts

“Lights Up” by Harry Styles exited this week but should be back on the chart next week after the release of Harry’s second album “Fine Line”. Also gone are “Teeth” by 5 Seconds of Summer, “Yellow Hearts” by Ant Saunders, “Catching Feelings” by Drax Project feat. Six60, “Only Human” by Jonas Brothers (Good fucking riddance), “Follow God” by Kanye West and “Used to Love” by Martin Garrix feat. Dean Lewis

New Entries

Just the one new entry this week with “Adore You” by Harry Styles in at number 14, I can see this song reaching the top ten following the album release next week.

The questions are will Mariah Carey can crack the top ten and will we get an album bomb from Harry Styles? Those questions and more will be answered when ARIA updates their charts at 5pm AEDT on Saturday.

Charting 1996: 15 December.

It’s the penultimate week of the charting year and it looks like we’re going to end it on a turbulent note at least within our top ten apart from the number one which yet again is “Wannabe” by the Spice Girls, it still rules on sales.

It also helps that there’s a complete bunfight going on for number two with “What’s Love Got to Do With It” by Warren G feat. Adina Howard retaking the second spot ahead of “Where Do You Go” by No Mercy at number three.

Now what could overtake the pair of them is “To the Moon and Back” by Savage Garden which climbed two places to number four, this song has momentum on its side, I expect this could be number two soon.

It pushed “Breathe” by The Prodigy back to number five, I’d be surprised if this song really hangs around in the top ten.

Climbing three places to number six is “Don’t Stop Movin’” by Livin’ Joy, I really am not sure what the appeal of this song is but hey it got a boost on the back of some strong sales.

Human Nature rise one place to number seven with “Wishes”, a ballad that has gotten the attention of some people which is  good thing because I like the song and also because it helped push “Sometimes When We Touch” by Newton down three places to number eight.

American country star Shania Twain has her first top ten hit as “(If You’re Not In it for Love) I’m Outta Here” rises from 13 to 9 while Toni Braxton has yet another top ten hit with “Un-Break My Heart” rising 7 places to ten.

Gains

Fugees cover of Bob Marley’s “No Woman, No Cry” is up 18 places to 20 while Metallica’s “Mama Said” rose 12 places to 24.

Also continuing to show the fact that it’s going to be BIG in 1997 is Blackstreet with “No Diggity’ feat. Dre up to 39.

Losers

Couple of big losers this week with “Many Rivers to Cross” by Toni Childs hitting 44 from 25. “Mach S” by The Presidents of the United States down to 41 from 35.

“Crazy” by Mark Morrison fell hard to 46 from 37 while “Child” by Mark Owen fell from 24 to 33.

Former chart topper and likely year end number one “Macarena” by Los Del Rio dropped to 32 from 15.

New Entries

The Symbol otherwise known as Prince has landed the highest new entry of the week at number 18 with a cover of The Stylistics “Betcha By Golly Wow”.

Bush’s latest entry on the ARIA singles chart is at number 36 called “Swallowed”. Believe it or not Los Del Rio can’t let us forget “Macarena” because “Macarena Christmas” enters at 37.

We have another cover new this week, it comes from Austrian Eurodance artist Unique II who has arrived on the ARIA singles chart with a cover of Matthew Wilders 80s hit “Break My Stride” at number 45

German band Fool’s Garden are in at number 47 with “Lemon Tree” and finally Danish singer Whigfield is new at 50 with “Sexy Eyes”

The Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 1996

So you may have noticed that this year I have been doing a series on my blog called “Charting 1996” which has been a journey through the year 1996 and the ARIA charts of the time. Why 1996? Well 1996 is around the time that I became interested in top 40/pop music as I would watch Rage on ABC back in the days when they did their top 50 countdown and listen to Take 40 Australia with Barry Bissell on the radio.

However It’s time to look back on the year that was 1996 and delve into the songs that SUCKED and I’ll be honest here, the pickings for bad songs were very slim as the music mostly ranged from excellent to being dull (Dull isn’t something to put a song on the worst list for because if dull was a factor, there’d be several songs that’d be contenders.

1996 was a strange year for the charts where the constant turnover meant a song would stay in the top ten for a couple of weeks and then leave. We also had songs that spent weeks on top of the charts…one of those being on this list, we also got a tonne of covers hitting the charts.

So to make this list, the songs had to make ARIA’s year end list for 1996 and keep in mind that this is just my opinion, my views should not stop you from enjoying these songs if you like them…somehow.

Let’s start with a cover that takes the magic of the original and turns it into mush…

10. “Father and Son” by Boyzone

1996 saw several new boybands hit the Australian charts including Backstreet Boys, No Mercy and Human Nature but the new boy group that claimed the spotlight in early 1996 was Boyzone, a group from out of the UK who were very successful over there and had moderate success in Australia beyond 1996 but this cover of Cat Stevens iconic song “Father and Son” is just passionless droning that sucks the passion, comfort and charm that the original version had. It sounds like Boyzone just sang this out of sheer desperation for something to release because it feels so empty and lacking the comforting warmth of the original.

Oh, and they replaced the guitar with piano and strings to make the song sound not just passionless in the vocals but fucking manufactured which is something I am sure Sufjan Stevens was not intending for the song. Ugh, time to move on.

Boyzone weren’t the only British boy band to try and fail at making a cover, here’s proof.

9. “How Deep Is Your Love” by Take That

Take That were another British boyband that rose to prominence in the UK in 1995 and sadly their success continued with this cover of the Bee Gees 70s hit “How Deep is Your Love” in 1996 and oh dear god, it says something that Glee did this song better in the 2010s and I don’t even LIKE Glee all that much, this cover sounds like four drunk guys on a cheap version of the Love Boat all doing really bad karaoke, it is incredible how off key and monotonous they all sound.

Also why do the backing vocals sound louder on the second verse than the actual lead vocals and why does it all sound like I am on some sleepy bad beach holiday for those forever meant to be single?

The original had an energy, warmth and groove that this flat badly produced garbage doesn’t have, its no fucking wonder Robbie Williams left Take That because shit like this gave him very good damn reason to walk his own way.

Taking a break away from bad cover versions to talk about a song that if it hadn’t been released in 1996, I’d have thought Taylor Swift had wrote it.

8. “Who Do U Love” by Deborah Cox

Deborah Cox is a Canadian singer songwriter and actress who somehow combined a sample of Soul II Soul’s music with Cox really trying hard and mostly failing to be the next Whitney Houston all the while having lyrics that are so god damn toxic that they remind me of some of the more horrible Taylor Swift relationship songs (think “I knew You were trouble” and “You Belong With Me”) because “Who Do you Love” is just ugly.

This man has just walked out on Cox and now she’s wondering who he could possibly want or love more than her because it’s a ‘mystery’ why he left her for another woman because after all there’s no other women out there that is good enough for him and how dare he want and love another woman enough to walk out on her. The lyrics here really do paint Deborah Cox in a rather unflattering light, she comes across as narcissistic and obsessive in a way that is creepy.

This song is just a creepy, badly written clusterfuck however if you want to find absolute awful that was ahead of it’s time then we have…

7. “Hey Lover” by LL Cool J feat. Boyz II Men

So LL Cool J and Boyz II Men are acts I actually respect within the realm of 90s hip hop and R’n”B, Boyz II Men made pleasant r’n’b jams that were chill enough to relax too while LL Cool J did bust out some pretty incredible hip hop in the mid-90s which is why it’s such a shame that their collaboration resulted in this garbage.

This song is one of those “Imma steal your girl” songs which makes it ahead of its time considering the proliferation of these sort of songs in the 2010s. Now Boyz II Men frame the song as the man this girl is with is neglects her but honestly the rest is so god damn creepy and the fact LL Cool J says its his mission to take this girl off this other dude is not cool, if she isn’t happy, she’ll break up with him.

The chorus that pretty much just moans “Hey Lover” is freaking gross especially as she isn’t LL Cool J or Boyz II Men’s lover just yet.

Then again when it comes to creepy love songs, there is Bryan Adams…

6. “The Only Thing that Looks Good on Me Is You” by Bryan Adams

At this point, Bryan Adams was at the height of his powers, he’d had a number of huge hits in the early part of the nineties (cue “Everything I do (I do it for you)”) and honestly this song isn’t his worst…we’ll get to that…but the reason this song is here is because of the lazy song writing on display where Adams complains he doesn’t look good in designer wear or anything else except for his partner which is all kinds of questionable by the way. All men scrub up well in a suit as a rule, Bryan!

The production is this flimsy sounding guitar which tries for a rock sound and Adams sounding like he is out of breath the entire time or he horny which would make sense because the song sounds like he wrote it with his penis.

So yeah stepping away from the bad and somewhat creepy love songs, we need to deal with what can be simply described as noise.

5. “Boom Boom Boom” by The Outhere Brothers

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I was going to give this slot to “One of Us” by Joan Osborne, a song that has gotten worse with time however “Boom Boom Boom” by The Outhere Brothers is excruciating to listen to in between that synth noise that sounds like a bed squeaking and the thumping distorted noise that passes for melody…geezus christ, just stop already.

Then there are the lyrics which alternate from being painfully repetitive even for an alleged dance song to being about orgasms and having sex of which none of it sounds even vaguely romantic but just rather childish eg “Slip my peter into your folder” and even in one line a vague reference to stealing this girl. Gross.

Thank goodness these brothers disappeared back to where they belonged.

I did say Bryan Adams would another appearance on this list…

4. “Let’s Make a Night to Remember” by Bryan Adams

You know Bryan, you didn’t have try to knock off Bruce Springsteen so hard with this song, it’s genuinely weird how much the songs wants to be akin to Springsteen but fails. There’s something that is just inherently sleazy that makes my skin crawl and honestly makes “The Only thing that Looks Good on Me Is You” even worse.

The whole song feels less like Bryan Adams and more like homage to Bruce Springsteen except I am sure Bruce would have rejected the less than romantic and really rather sluggish and drowsy production around a song about having sex and the references to sweat dripping off this girl. Adams also sings the song with all the enthusiasm of discovering that his favourite shirt has been eaten through by fucking fire ants.

At least, Adams didn’t desecrate one of the greatest soul songs ever like this next group did…

3. “Sexual Healing” by Max-A-Million

It should be a crime do soul legend Marvin Gaye a dirty like this, it really fucking should be, the only positive coming from this crappy garbage is that a small town in America was powered by Marvin Gaye spinning in his grave. Max-a-Million tone back the sexual tension that was in the original to turn the song into something Shaggy would have rejected in 1995! The production isn’t anywhere near close to as sexy as it seems to think it is.

Also the rap verses are pretty terrible and lazy, here’s an example: “And I know me love you know I ain't been creepy creeping. When you spread out yuh legs ah me no get yuh lazy. A rubba dubba I'm ya lover I know you feel me baby”

THAT IS NOT ANYWHERE NEAR CLOSE TO SEXY!. If you want real sexual healing in music seek out Marvin Gaye’s original…it’s far better than this crap will ever be.

Although if you are looking for something sexy, don’t ask this next guy…

2. “Sometimes When We Touch” by Newton

So I have made no bones about the fact that I hate the original version of this song that was released in 1976 by Dan Hill mainly because the lyrics switch between being overwhelmingly sappy to Hill being an absolute piece of shit as he refuses to let this girl move on. Dan Hill himself even admitted back in 2010 to a Canadian website that the song is stupid.

So in 1996 along comes Newton, a dance artist, from the UK who decided to put his spin on the song and yeah makes the song worse. Yeah it’s got the pianos at the beginning but then from about the chorus on it goes into full dance mode which doesn’t match the soppy nature of the lyrics at all and also Newton is not an impressive singer at all and that note at the end sounds like he just got scalded by hot water or had a scare.

Either way kill this cover and the original with fire.

So we have reached the top of the list and for awhile I wasn’t sure what my top pick was going to be, in the end I went with the song that has stuck around and become a lingering shit stain on pop culture, we expose our children to this SHIT and the number one goes to…

1   “Macarena (Bayside Boys Remi x)” by Los Del Rios

Bad dance songs in the 2010s have been commonplace but they never really stick around however in 1996, this song stuck around at the top of the charts for nine whole weeks and yet the issues with this song stretch for miles from the strange gurgling bleating goat noises that once you hear you will not get out of your head  to the horrible giggling teenage girl style lyric delivery in the verse by one of the woman who claims her name is Macarena obnoxiously laughs off the fact she has admitted to cheating on her boyfriend.  

At least the chorus is fun and is literally the only thing worth caring about. FUCK this trash. “Macarena (Bayside Boys Remix)” The worst hit song of 1996, see ya all later.

ARIA top ten singles/ Chart Review: 9th December. Christmas music returns

So it was coming for awhile now but this week saw the arrival of Christmas music on the chart, whether or not we wanted it to or not, we also got the expected chart entries for The Weeknd but we’ll get to all of that in a second but first our top ten where for a NINETEENTH week “Dance Monkey” by Tones and I continues its remarkable run at the top and again I am not seeing what is going to topple it just yet especially as it still as streaming and sales on lock.

“Roxanne” by Arizona Zervas spends another week at number two, it’s got good streaming and there’s signs that the sales might be catching up but is it all too little too late.

The week’s biggest gainer came from Dua Lipa with “Don’t Start Now” up four places to number three off the back of streaming and sales.

Post Malone regained some lost ground as “Circles” moved back up to number four off some solid streaming numbers, it thankfully moved past “Memories” by Maroon 5 which went down to number five this week (frankly, the sooner that song is gone the better)

“Ride It” by Regard slipped three places to number six as its streaming isn’t holding it up and sales can’t cover while “Everything I Wanted” by Billie Eilish slipped back one place to number seven, there’s signs of life for this song yet as streaming looks to be recovering.

Tones and I’s second song inside the top ten “Never Seen the Rain” jumped one place up to number eight thanks to a solid sales week, it pushed past “Good as Hell” by Lizzo at number nine.

Finally, The Weeknd’s big return is at number ten with “Heartless”, we’ve still got some more The Weeknd to talk about in the new entries.

Gains.

Not much to talk about here. “Lose Control” by Meduza feat. Becky Hill and Goodboys up two places to 15.

Re-Entries

The returns are both Christmas songs with Mariah Carey’s “All I want for Christmas is You” in at number 20 and Wham’s “Last Christmas” back at 38.

Losers

“Follow God” by Kanye West continued its plunge down nine places to 49. Lizzo’s “Truth Hurts” slid painfully from 39 to 46.

It wasn’t a good week for Harry Styles as “Lights Up” went from 33 to 41 and “Watermelon Sugar” got too sweet for some as it dropped eight to 28.

Drop Outs

Couple of songs likely to have snagged a spot on the year end list went this week with “It’s You” by Ali Gatie and “Higher Love” by Kygo and Whitney Houston.

Songs that might just make year end, but it will be tight are “Slide Away” by Miley Cyrus and “Liar” by Camila Cabello (that song might return with her album released last week)

Also gone is “Mean It” by Lauv feat. LANY.

New Entries

I did mention we have more The Weeknd to talk about, well, at 16 is the second song he dropped called “Blinding Lights”, a song I consider to be awesome and should be a massive hit.

Finally, the Christmas impact is also felt in the new arrivals with Michael Buble’s “It’s Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas” in at 42.

Next week, the likely return of several Juice WRLD songs following the rapper’s death in Chicago during the past week and the continued infiltration of Christmas music on the charts. ARIA will update the chart at 5pm AEDT on Saturday.